Changing Your Name – For Better Or Worse

Taking your spouse’s last name can be as simple or as difficult as you want it to be. The most important thing is to have your facts in place and agree 100% on this before announcing it to family because (trust me) you will be questioned about it. 

If you do decide to go a less traditional route (other than changing your last name to his last name) there are options.

 How about a compromise?  You could use your maiden name as your new middle name. In fact, many women of a certain social stature have used their mother’s maiden name for the children’s middle names for decades. Rose Fitzgerald gave her son John Kennedy her maiden name as his middle name. His daughter, Caroline has her mother’s maiden name, Bouvier, as her middle name and the media rarely (if ever) refers to her as Mrs. Schlossberg, even though that is exactly who she is.  You can also consider changing your name legally and keeping your maiden name professionally.

Pros  of changing your name:
-It is easier. Maybe not today or tomorrow but, when children become involved there are always complications. It is easier when you all have the same last name.

-Having the same name as your new family makes you feel more a part of things. You are already bonded with your family,  use this as a stepping stone to bond with his.

– Your last name is complicated, un-friendly, hard to pronounce or you just don’t like it. Now is a good time to fix that.

One thing is for sure, this is a decision that needs to be made by the engaged couple and no one else. Who cares if Aunt Fanny doesn’t like it? It is your name, your life, your marraige, your choice. Once you (as a couple) have reached your decision, announce it to all and stick to it. If you are one of the 10% of women to choose to keep their maiden name, you may encounter some rough road but, stick to your guns. If you are one of the 90% who decide that change is okay, keep doodling.

Cons of name change:

– You have established yourself in the workplace and changing your name could likely become complicated and may make it difficult to re-establish your reputation. Harldy anyone will remember Elizabeth Warner but, she certainly made headlines as Elizabeth Taylor. There was  never a need for her to go by any other name and you may agree.

– You may feel like you have lost your identity. You have had this name for your entire life and now you are not the same person, anymore.

– It goes against your personal principle that a woman is expected to change her name and a man is not.

 Changing your last name is technically easy. Once you have the forms from the Social Security office you can get a new Social Security Card (the number is still the same) and then a new drivers license. After that, you are basically done. Take your new forms of identification with you to the bank and have your name changed on the account, call your credit card companies, and anyone with whom you have credit (mortgage, student loans, etc) and you are finished. If that is too complicated, you can buy a Name Change kit.

Getting used to a new name is a different story; you may have doodled your merged names a hundred times in your wedding planner, but having someone refer to you as “Mrs. Frulla” for the first time will stop you in your tracks.  You may ask youself why you had to change your name and he didn’t.  In reality, you didn’t.

 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Glorious Garnishes For Captivating Cocktails

Having signature drinks at your event, whether they are alcoholic or not, has become a must have for an interesting, lively affair. Signature cocktails are the epitome of fun and creativity so, the garnishes and accoutrement you use to adorn them should be something that also shows your flair, fun and festivity!

How about fruity ice cubes and cocktail stirrers for summertime drinks? Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries will all light up a lemonade or sweet tea as well as a wine spritzer!

 

Why not serve chocolate drinks with an extra dash of chocolate ….  Try decorating the edge of martini glasses with chocolate sprinkles for a chocolate martini. A dash of mint? Why not!

 

Multi-colored sprinkles add color to a wide variety of drinks from shots to fruit punch!

 

Vodka-soaked, chilled cranberries add zest and pizazz to a Cranberry-tini or even a simple glass of champagne!

Your guests will adore a peppermint cocktail with a peppermint garnish for a winter wedding:

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Last but, not least – make sure the glasses are the right size and shape for the drink and the garnishes. It will make all the difference in the world!

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-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

12/12/12 It’s All In The Numbers

As everyone probably knows by now, December12, 2012 was the last consecutive date  for 89 years, until 01/01/2101. Which makes it special and for some couples, quite lucky. According to most published reports, approximately 7,200 couples got married yesterday on December 12, 2012 which is about a 1400% increase from the exact same date last year.

Couples came out in droves to have  12/12/12 as their wedding anniversary date. In Los Angeles, they were lined up as judges performed back-to-back city hall marriages for the entire day. Las Vegas was jammed with couples wanting to be a part of the 12/12/12 phenomenon and even in Chicago, wedding numbers surged with couples who hoped to be a part of something bigger than just any other day.

For now, the hype is over,  but, the next big lucky day according to numerologists is less than a year away… you got it:  11/12/13!! It is my guess that someone will always think of a way to spin certain dates so that they appear ‘LUCKY’  or interesting or numerically fascinating. For most of us, the only luck was finding the right person to marry, the date being much less of a factor.

 

Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo

Engagement Announcements

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away people used to read the newspaper every day. Then, along came home computers and now everyone communicates online. If you have been asleep for the past few years, the big thing in wedding announcements in 2012 is social media.

Five things to remember about announcing your engagement:
1) Tell closest family and friends first. this should be a phone call from both of you. Not a text, not an email. Think about who might get their feelings hurt by not hearing it first!  After that,  you will want to tell siblings, future attendants, cousins and other people close to you. You can do this solo and text is okay if you absolutely cannot get through to them on the phone and want them to know before they hear it from someone else.

2) Send out postcards or formal announcements. Traditionally these are only sent to people who will be invited to the wedding. But, in modern times there are ways to get your point across without being tacky. Check with your wedding consultant or stationer for appropriate wording.

3) As soon as you are ready, you can announce it on facebook, set up a website and begin the cadence to matrimony with a countdown calendar for all to see. It could be as simple as a relationship status change or as major as a shared video of the actual proposal…or anything in between.  That part is up to you.

4) If you are socially connected to people who still prefer paper media, putting an announcement in the local paper is classy and timeless. You will want to start off finding out  if they have any guidelines, deadlines, fees, or regulations.

5) Last, but not least you can host an engagement party and make the announcement to everyone there. Engagement parties have become more rare for several reasons; they are costly, time consuming and they are more a thing of the past. Of course they still proliferate in certain social circles where that kind of thing is (basically) required.

No matter how you decide to do it, announcing your engagement is an exciting event. It will the first of many exciting events leading up to your wedding and one of the pinnacles of your own personal love story so, make sure you are both in total agreement before you say anything to anyone. You only have one chance to do this right…. make the most of it!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Rehearsal Dinner – Who’s In , Who’s Out?

The rehearsal dinner is a pre-wedding ceremony in North American tradition, usually held after the wedding rehearsal and the night before the wedding ceremony.

Who do you invite? According to tradition, only the immediate family and wedding party are invited to the rehearsal dinner. Basically, only the actual participants in the wedding.

However, there are out of town attendants, their dates or spouses, out of town guests, extended family and all kinds of significant people you want to include in your pre-wedding event. So, where do you draw line to keep your rehearsal dinner from being as big as the wedding?

If you want to have a less formal affair, plan a late afternoon supper,  at a restaurant that is located close to where most of the out of town guests are staying and the wedding venue. To this event, you will invite only the wedding party and immediate family. After the early supper, you can invite others to join you for cocktails and mingling. Make sure to have a definite cut-off time to avoid accidental over-indulging. Come on, we all know there’s one in every crowd!

 

Consider a fun, festive restaurant for the smaller crowd, complete with a patio for expanding the fun outdoors in the summer months.

Some couples cut corners by having a larger party at a less expensive restaurant and others do the opposite; a smaller affair at a posh venue. The choice is up to you.

The fact is that most out of town guests will not expect to be invited if they are not a member of the wedding party. Most out of town guests will be happy to spend the evening before your wedding getting much needed rest from their travel and perhaps even unwind. And they will not be upset or offended by a lack of invitation to the rehearsal dinner of any kind at any venue!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Keeping the Romance Alive During Wedding Planning

You’ve had it with his mother wanting to be consulted on every detail, he’s had it with the million questions related to centerpieces and it seems like all you have to talk about is budgets or boutonnieres. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to put a little romance back into your….romance.

Romance is one of those things that means different things to different people. To some it means being whisked away to exotic locations sprinkled with rose petals and being showered with lavish gifts. In reality, romance doesn’t have to be expensive, it can be as simple as leaving a note that says “Thank You for (whatever)”  or picking up their favorite beverage instead of yours. Being romantic is more akin to being considerate, it is remembering the little things that the other person  loves and putting their wants or needs above yours. Unfortuntely romance can often take a back seat to wedding planning.

Here are  7 things you can do to light a romantic fire under your partner without breaking the bank:

1) Make – A card, a personalized playlist for the iPod,  or a special dinner complete with their favorite dishes. Giving of your time is showing the other person that you care. No credit card required.

2) Write – Do something  that says you are thinking of them during the day. Text him on the way home or shoot her an email after a work meeting or call and leave a message on the house voice mail so she will get it when she gets home before you.  Say, “I’m thinking of you”, thats all.

3) Support – When your significant other is upset about something, listen and offer your support. Sometimes they may be wrong but, your job is to support and not judge. You can offer advice later, when the emotions aren’t as raw. Just listen.

4) Clean Up – Offer to put away the dishes or do laundry when its not your turn.  Better yet – just do it. When you see the other person is struggling, step up to the plate. Cleaning off her windshield when she can’t find her gloves will most definitely show her how much you care. Trust me, there is nothing sexier than a man vacuuming or cleaning the toilet.

5) Nurture – Similar to support but nurturing goes the extra mile.  If your fiance is sick, it’s the perfect time to let him stay in bed while you pamper him with 7up and cold medicine. Maybe he doesn’t need to be completely taken care of but, he will appreciate the gesture.

6) Surprise – You know he loves Star Trek, he knows you hate it. Surprise him by setting the DVR to record the whole series to watch together later (it wouldn’t hurt if you wore a ‘Uhura’ costume)… and no complaining. Sharing something the other person likes shows that you are willing to compromise your happiness momentarily and enjoy something together.

7) Remember – Remembering important things like Birthdays and anniversaries is a must but, rememebering the inconsequential things like the right toilet paper or coffee goes above and beyond.

We’ve all heard it is the little things that make people happy. Whether it is giving up your Saturday Golf game to stay home and address envelopes or skipping Girls Night Out to have dinner with his parents, showing the other person you care about their feelings is the one  thing you can do to keep the romance alive…. forever.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Remembering Loved Ones At Your Wedding

The date is set, the hall is booked, you have every detail of your wedding meticulously planned and you couldn’t be more excited for your wedding day to arrive. The only problem is that someone you loved is no longer here to share it with you. Whether it is wedding gown shopping with your mother or missing out on dancing with your father, there is an empty spot at your wedding and nothing or no one can fill that void. Instead of glossing it over, or trying to forget about how it would have ( should have) been, focus on including your dearly departed loved ones in the ceremony and reception in a way that keeps them close to your heart. There are a dozens of ways to remember your loved ones on this special day without turning a celebration into a maudlin occasion, here some of our favorites.

Have an empty chair where this person would have been seated and place a rose on the chair to signify their importance.

Wear something that the loved one wore on their wedding day or use portions of it creatively, like sewing a portion of your father’s favorite tie sewn into a garter or handkerchief.

Include lighting  a candle for that person into your ceremony. Don’t forget to include the details in the wedding program so everyone knows what is going on.

Include a framed photo of your loved one on the table by the guest book.

Mention them in your wedding toast. Raising a glass to someone is sometimes the most appropriate form of remembrance but, keep it short.

Use one of their favorite songs as your first dance or another significant moment in the day.

Whether you lost your loved one a month or many years ago, they are always missed especially during these special times. The best way to honor them is by adding touches to your wedding that celebrates the special times they shared with you. In other words, make it personal.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Signature Cocktails Made Simple

Signature cocktails have become such a hot-ticket item for wedding receptions and other cocktail hour events that it has actually opened up an entirely new occupation: Cocktail designers. Once reserved for the extremely well-to-do, signature cocktails have been on the rise for several years and are skyrocketing to the top of the ‘must-have’ list for brides and grooms to be. According to the wedding channel, a ‘signature cocktail’  is “a custom designed drink (usually contains alcohol, but doesn’t have to) served at cocktail hours and wedding receptions.” How do you decide on the drink? Here are some hints and tips to make finding your signature cocktail easier.

 Bride AND  Groom need to work on this with either your caterer or bartender at your venue to create one together, although some couples insist on one for each of them. 

Choose one based on what kind of drinks you like. Although there are  a finite number of combinations, you can always add a unique garnish. If you love Hypnotique or Vodka or Limoncello, those should be the first ingredients you consider.

Choose a drink based on color if you want the drink to match your wedding theme. It may not be an exact match but if it is close enough it will make a huge impact. Imagine rows of  martini glasses filled with blue cocktails in a sea of blue flowers and bridesmaids gowns.

Make sure the ingredients are in season and readily available, especially if they are hard to find. Technically you don’t have to select the drink based on season but, a  pink-lemonade based drink will fare better in the summer months, just as an apple cider flavored drink is more suited for fall.

The best thing you can do is name it after yourself or something fun your guests will enjoy. Adding “-tini” or “-rita” is always fun especially if it illiterates nicely but, it must have the key ingredients of the base drink to be called that. Now that I think of it, ” Penny-tini” has a really nice ring to it!

Share the details with everyone; adding the recipe  to your wedding website, announcing it on place-cards and spreading the word in other ways always make a great conversation starter.

Any way you serve it, the signature cocktail has made it’s place at weddings and is hotter than ever before.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Remembering St. Valentine

For many years I thought Valentine’s Day was a Hallmark holiday, one that was manufactured so that greeting card companies and florists could make us buy things we didn’t need and candy sales would soar. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I came to know the history associated with this holiday and the legend behind all of the cards and flowers.

Folklore presents a tale of a priest named Valentine (later to become a martyred Saint), marrying lovers in secret, against the wishes of Roman Emperor Claudius II who ordained his soldiers remain single and celibate in order to maintain their focus. There is an additional modern embellishment to this story, provided by American Greetings to History.com, and widely repeated despite having no historical basis whatsoever. On the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first “valentine” card himself, addressed to the blind daughter of his jailor, Asterius, signing the card “From your Valentine.” From that point, ‘Valentines’ were sent in secret as expressions of love by those who could not openly proclaim their feelings for various reasons.

In elementary school, we exchange valentine card with everyone in the entire class, for those who are home-schooled- this is a fairly easy task. In middle school, students send lollipops or messages to friends and crushes either anyonymously or as a blatant show of affection. In high sc’hool it starts to get complicated and only the ‘couples’ really get into the celebration unless there is some really burning desire to use this as the day to come clean and profess your undying love. As we get older, Valentine’s Day becomes the day we send our loved ones greetings; mother, father, grandparents, dear friends, etc.

In the dating world, Valentine’s Day is the day to pull out all the stops and possibly pop the question. In fact, about 10% of all engagements occur on this holiday. More than that, many couples decide to get married on this holiday for a myriad of reasons: it is a very romantic day to join together in matrimony, there is a lot of history associated with this holiday, and it’s an easy date to remember.

For whatever reason you get engaged or married on this holiday, remember the sacrifices of those who gave their lives for someone they love, the ones who kept their love in secret and for those who could never join together for whatever reason. Openly express your love for those around you, show them you care with thoughts and actions, a homemade card, a diamond necklace or whatever speaks to you.

Happy Valentine’s Day

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beat The Stress Of Holiday Weddings

If you are getting married over the holidays, you probably have a to-do list that is as long as your arm. Although this is the best time to blend a family celebration with a wedding , it is also the busiest time of the year for shopping, running errands and getting just about anything done. How do you handle all the stress?

1) Unplug. Make a certain time of day to unplug your cell phone, computer and do nothing. Even if it is for only one hour, the act of doing nothing will refresh your outlook. This is the perfect time for guilt-free nap, which can be quite beneficial.

2) Find a release. Engaging yourself in a hobby will occupy your mind in other areas. Don’t try to do anything too complicated, just get your mind off of the wedding and holiday planning. Crosswords and online games work just fine as does a round of zombe-killing on Xbox. Set a limit of 30 minutes a day or you may find yourself addicted to ‘Words with Friends’.

3) Release the endorphins. Take a walk, go to the gym or put on a workout DVD and get moving. Endorphins are natural pain and stress fighters that are released from the brain during  physical exercise (and intimate activities) . You can also get an endorphin boost from chili peppers and chocolate.

4) Ignore the voices. If your family is like mine and they all feel like their every opinion is so valuable that it needs to be voiced immediately, ignore them. When they call just tell them you’re busy and you’ll catch up after the wedding. They will try to drag you into a conversation but, avoid it.

5) Off- hours. Try calling business during non-peak hours so you aren’t wasting as much time on hold.  If you can, try avoid rush hour traffic as well since road rage can come out of nowhere and have disastrous results.

6) Pamper Time. According to the Mayo Clinic, taking some time out to do something you want to do for yourself can be the single most therapeutic thing you can do this time of year. Get your nails done, get a full-body or  foot massage or just sit and watch a movie you have wanted to see for a long time. Anything you have put on the back burner should be placed in the front  because pampering yourself  (even just a little) will help you unwind.

7) Drink. Even my 9 yr old knows that if you are feeling sluggish, a glass or bottle of water will perk you up. Carry a water bottle everywhere with you  and make a note of where the bathrooms are located. Drink early and often! For every cup of coffee, soda, wine, beer or juice, drink a bottle of water.

The last thing you want to do is ‘snap’. Over-scheduling, lack of sleep, too many energy drinks and family pressure can lead to an epic meltdown days before your holiday wedding. Taking it slow, sticking to the essentials, delegating responsibilities and staying hydrated will keep you in focus and out of ‘panic mode’.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago