Politically Friendly Weddings

Supposedly, there are two things you don’t discuss at family gatherings; politics and religion. In truth, putting politics aside for one night might not be an option when the bride is a blue-dog-Democrat and the groom is a dyed-in-the-wool  Republican….and we are three days away from a major (presidential) election!

Given the current political climate where so many unflattering distinctions are made between left and right, red state and blue state, conservative and liberal, it is kind of fun to peek into how bipartisan couples make their celebrations come together without tearing them apart.

So how does a couple of differing political backgrounds and views put their differences aside for a night of revelry? It is a lot easier than you think.

Spotlight –Bring it out in the open. Without condescension or trivialization, openly address the situation. Have a  Election-themed affair with Donkey and Elephant favors at each table. Instead of numbering the tables, name them after your favorite politicians  of each party and mix it up. Put Republicans at the Clinton table and Democrats at the Reagan table. If you really want to have some fun,  how about large cut-outs of current and former candidates and let guests take photos with them…. just like on the street corners in Washington DC.

Seating Chart – As nice as it is to think that everyone will put their differences aside for one night, they won’t. Think about this when doing your seating chart. Unfortunately this means more work for the couple but, it will be worth it to make sure Aunt Sarah doesn’t go off on a Social Security rant to one of your dearest friends. We all have that one relative or friend who thinks their opinion matters more than everyone else… and they think they are much smarter, as well. Put them where they will cause the least damage!

Edit – Ask anyone giving toast or speeches to make sure they keep it light and fun. This is a great time to jab but, no name calling. Remember that humor goes along way… think of the White House correspondent’s dinner. If you have any doubts, ask an impartial (third party, if you will) person to take a look at what your speakers have to say.

Discuss –Talk to both of your families as a couple, at the same time if possible. Sit them down and tell them that you would like for them to behave for one evening and leave the Obama-care discussions for later. Explain  that they have a lifetime to blame Bush (or Clinton) for the current economic debacle but for tonight they need to check all snyde comments and opinions at the door.

Change –Don’t try to change everyone’s opinion to suit yours. Don’t marry someone thinking you will change their political views and don’t presume that your family will change theirs  either. Accept the differences and move on.

Topics to avoid are healthcare, immigration, and scandal, as each party is equally prone to having skeletons in their closet. For every John Edwards there is an Arnold Schwarzenegger so be careful when opening that door as it is not an easy one to close.

 There are many couples of opposite political views who make it work nicely without sacrificing their opinions. James Carville and Mary Matalin are two of the most opinionated political advisors of different parties and they have had a very successful marriage.

Now, if  politicians could only learn to play nice, we might get something done.  Maybe we should ask Mitt Romney and Barack Obama to plan an entire wedding……. without the help of their wives!

Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Conversation Starters

Conversation Starters are the hottest thing in weddings right now. From Pinterest to Marth Stewart, almost every wedding site is abuzz with dozens of  DIY ideas to get people talking at the reception! From sea to shining sea, here are our top five favorite Conversation Starters:

Origami Fortune Tellers – A throwback to your childhood, these simple, folded paper ‘toys’ are placed at the table with various questions and answers about the couple.

 

Quiz/ Questionnaire – A few fun, lighthearted questions about the bride and groom are guaranteed to get guests talking, reminiscing and laughing.

 

 Guest questionnaires about the bride and groom

 

 Scrapbook Guest Book –  To pull this off, designate a friend or family member to take pictures of guests with a polaroid camera  as they enter your reception and another to print the photos (yes, they still make polariod cameras). The photos are placed in a guestbook photo album so the guests can sign or wrote a sentiment next to their photo and everyone gets their own page!

 

Table Markers– For each table, find a creative use for the number. Example here 5 things you didn’t know about the bride or groom, or 6 places they would both like to visit, 7 relatives that you may not know. Each one is sprinkled with information about the couple, their family, their friends and everything in between.

 

For each person who has replied “Yes”, find an old photo of them to put on the place card. The older the picture, the better. If you met your best friend in grade school, using that picture will certainly spark some conversations!

For each of these very creative ideas, there is a lot of work involved. Folding paper, printing out questionnaires, preparing place cards or guest book pages. Doing-It-Yourself is not for the faint of heart. If you can’t tackle it alone, you can always ask for help! Perhaps you will have more fun with a bridesmaid or two, your mom(s) and a glass of wine!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Seating Charts Made Easy

You are constantly being told this is your wedding and you should do things the way you want. In most cases, this is true but, when it comes to where to seat your guests, taking advice from others might be in your best interest. Use these ten simple tips to make your seating planning a breeze!

#1) Get a floor plan from the venue with the tables the way they will be arranged at your event. Make sure this floor plans hows how many seats are at each table.

#2) Don’t do anything in permanent marker, things might need to be re-arranged later. Tiny post-its or push pins is definitely the way to go.

#3) Ask both mothers or older relatives ( one from each side) to sit in on the seating plans. They will know the intricacies of some of the more difficult relationships better than you, especially if it is distant cousins or their friends.

#4) Don’t make the final seating plan until you have your final count. Moving things around too much will confuse you and you will be more likely to make mistakes.

#5) Use different color post-its for his family, your family, friends, co – workers, etc.

#6) Always start with the bridal party, then immediate family, then other family members, then relatives, then friends.

#7) Be aware of people with extremely strict political or religious beliefs whenever possible. The last thing you want is a heated debate over a touch topic.

#8) Keep a few extra seats on hand in case a guests unexpectedly shows up. this happens all the time!

#9) Try to seat all of the single people at one table. The guests who are single and choose not to bring a date will be able to mingle and meet new people.

#10) There is tons of software available for wedding seating charts – shop around and find one that works for you. But, always have a paper copy in case you lose your files.

The best tool you have when planning the seating for your wedding is common sense. That, and a sense of humor will make the whole planning process fun and easy!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Weddings and Politics

It is often said that in order to have a pleasant time, one should avoid the topics of religion and politics. It is kind of hard to avoid the topic of religion at some weddings but, politics – that’s an easy one… unless your wedding date falls the weekend before or after the first Tuesday in November of an election year. 2012 is an election year, and a big one. There are issues at stake that affect nearly every U.S. citizen and the presidential race is already getting heated nearly 7 months before voters decide who will take the oath of office in January 2013. For couples of mixed political views, you have my sympathy and for couples who are the lone voice of dissent in a family of either political party; I feel your pain. So how, exactly,  do you get around the touchiest of topics at your wedding?

Engage a friend. Maid of Honor, Best Man, dear friend, all make a good go-between if you have that certain relative that can’t stop talking about  politics and their remarks often border on offensive. Let’s face it – we all have those folks in our midst.

Good humor. Do some research and prepare for the loud voices of un-reason. You can stop a political bully in their tracks with the right come-back  (a witty one-liner can do wonders to lighten the moment). No personal attacks or anything racist, please. Good humor means funny, light, witty and nothing insulting. The funniest jokes of all times are not at someone else’s expense.  Sometimes talking openly and laughing about your differences makes them seem small. Whereas, sweeping them under the rug makes them a lot more difficult to deal with later.

A more perfect union. If you are getting married very close to a big election, use that as your theme. One couple even designed their own campaign logo and used a red, white and blue color scheme. The “Perfect Union” theme was represented throughout the entire event, the invitations were playful, personal and gorgeous. Their solution was bringing everyone together and having fun with it. Jib Jab mastered this with their 2004 campaign video “This land is your land”. Still the funniest satire I have ever seen about any election…ever. It’s worth watching if you’re considering this option.

Seating. Let’s say you have a cousin who is a big fundraiser for the Democratic party and a beloved aunt who is a staunch Republican contributor. In addition, each one of them happens to be the type who can only talk about one ting: politics. Do your best not to seat them at the same table. You can’t tell people what to talk about at your reception but, putting two heavily invested people directly next to each other is a bad idea. They cannot help themselves because most people generally think their opinion is the only one that matters If you don’t believe me, just go on facebook and scroll through various status updates.

What makes each of us choose our political persuasion is life experience. Oddly enough, the same experience that turns one voter off will turn the next voter into a supporter. You cannot expect everyone to share your passion for an issue or a candidate, you can only accept the differences and move on. In addition, if you decide to turn your wedding into a one-sided political party event, be prepared for some no-shows or dissenting opinions.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

A wedding party stops by GOP Presidential candidate Rick Santorum's headquarters in Charleston, South Carolina on the state's primary day, January 21.

RSVP up close and personalCampaign logo

Seating Planning Made Easy!

There is only one problem when it comes to planning seating for your wedding reception: How do arrange people so everyone is happy? Well, let me assure you that no matter what you do – everyone will not be happy. Some people will love being at the table with people they already know and some people will want to mix, mingle and make new friends. The only thing that matters is that you and your fiance agree on the seating.

The seating is not something that everyone needs to be involved with. The wedding planner (if there is one)  and the bride and groom. If you start involving parents, siblings and attendants, this is a recipe for disaster and arguments will undoubtedly follow.

Seating Chart tips:

Reserved tables are all you need. Why put yourself through the extra work of having a reserved chair for each guest? It just gives people something else to complain about.

 Do NOT seat battling friends or relatives next to each other.

Seat tables by age group or relationship to one another.

Seating singles at the same table will allow them to mingle without the odd stares of married folk.

Last but not least, when it comes to the head table, anything goes. You can include spouses if you want. You can do the traditional raised table at the head of the room with the bride and groom in the center. You can have the bride and groom at their own table, anything you want. But, make sure it is differentiated somehow so everyone can at least see the head table.

Remember – if you choose to have children at your event, you should either have someone at the table to oversee ( babysit) them or seat them next to their parents so they can monitor them.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Pre-Wedding Arguments – How to diffuse hot-button topics

I have never heard anyone say that if they could go back in time they would spend more time arguing about things that don’t really matter.  When it come to weddings, so much time goes into the planning that many couples are left exhausted after the event is over. Exhausted, broke and sometimes bitter.  It seems like the moment you set the date, time has no meaning except in terms of wedding planning. How soon do I need to book a reception site? How soon do we need to order invitations? WHOA!

Before you begin to discuss even one detail of your fairytale wedding, look at the topics that cause the most stress among engaged couples.

Cost – The number one argument starter. In order to avoid this argument, first define who is paying for what. Sit down with whomever is paying for anything and have a candid conversation about costs. If your parents are involved, politely ask them if they will be involved financially as well. Its is not tacky to discuss finances with immediate family. It is tacky to expect them to pay for a lavish event they cannot afford. Have a frank discussion, leaving no questions unanswered. This is the time you should define your budget clearly and leave some wiggle room. There will be some things that come up, some hidden costs that you may not have anticipated and you will want to be able to handle this with ease. Agree on every detail of the budget. If your gown budget is $2,500, make it clear to your bridal consultant and don’t try on $4,000 gowns. It may seem that having less monetary constraints would mean less arguing – not true. For each budget there is a limit. Higher budgets mean higher demands and higher expectations. Stay within your budget and you will have one less reason to disagree with your loved ones.

Prenup –  This sounds like a bad thing but it is actually a good thing. If you or your fiancee are coming into the marriage with vast amounts of financial resources, it is always a good idea to protect yourself. A good prenuptial agreement guarantees both spouses the benefits entitled to each of them as a result of their marriage. This is no reason to argue. Make sure that it is equitable, sign and forget about it.  Unfortunately love does not always last forever. Yes, you can be both romantic and realistic.

Planning – Who is handling what?  One major complaint of brides-to-be is that most men are under-involved in the planning process. Rather than argue about this, ask once and move on. In order to avoid overburdening yourself with every task and errand, delegate responsibilities as much as you can. You  mother, maid of honor, his mother, whoever you completely trust. Allow them the luxury of helping you and allow yourself the luxury of letting go of total control. 

Guest List – The guest list keeps getting longer. What to do? If you have clearly defined your budget you will know how many guests you are able to invite.  If one of your parent’s is determined to add extra guests and are not sharing the wedding expense they should be sent to their room with no video games for a week. Seriously, talk to them immediately about what you can and can not afford. One way to limit extra guests is to make sure the invitations are addressed properly. For single, unattached  friends it should be addressed to them only and it will signal they should not invite a guest. For couples with children, only list the names of the adults. Do not feel bad when guests call and ask if they can bring someone. Explain to them that the budget does not allow for this and end the conversation.
If they write it on the reply card, call them and explain over the phone why they can’t bring an extra person and on their next birthday send them a book of manners.

Seating Chart. Yes, people argue about the seating chart and I know this first-hand. In some cases, it is clearly a bad idea to mix family and friends too closely. Although there are as many cases where mixing it up entirely works great.You always want your loved ones to be comfortable with their dinner partners. If you are respectful of that, everyone will have an enjoyable event, including you.  I would strongly advise against placing two vocal activists of any same issue next to one another at a particular table. 

Each one of these topics is a reason to argue with family, friends or future spouse. It is also an opportunity to rise above the situation and agree to disagree. Do not let strong wills and opinions interfere with your happiness. Find a solution, usually somewhere in the middle, where everyone can be happy.

The best gift you can give yourself is to stay organized, focused and not let your temper get the best of you. Take a deep breath and remember that ultimately your attitude will set the tone for the entire affair, start to finish.

Words to live by:
 “Compromise is what makes nations great and marriages happy”

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago