Finding A Dress For Mom… Definitely Harder Than You Think!

 I have learned a lot in my life. But, there is one question that I have yet to find the answer:  Why is it so hard for women over 50  to find just the right dress for a special event – ?  
First of all,  most  are not 100% comfortable with their bodies anymore and hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else.

Secondly, there is a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they reach senior ‘citizenship’. Hardly fair, is it?

 Here are a few things to consider before you buy anything to wear to  your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you hear, read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 3″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren or Jane Fonda!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Jane Fonda - The Red Carpet at the Cannes Film Fest

Mother’s Day Merriment

If you are counting, there are only 364 days left until Mothers Day. Mothers Day is a time for reflection, a time to celebrate the role your mother has played in your life,  a time for celebration. Its also a perfect time to look at the mother’s role on your wedding day.

The mother of the bride is the second most stressed and scrutinized woman of the day. A great mom shoulders the responsibility of not only making sure that her daughter’s needs are fulfilled but also making sure that every single detail is executed with medical precision without being a ‘stage mother’. She has to be in the spotlight and yet invisible. Very tough. Remember – it’s always the mom’s fault, and she knows it. “Your daughter’s wedding was __________ (insert good or bad comment here)” will either haunt or comfort  her for the rest of her life.

The mother of the groom has an equally tough job considering the ramifications of being too involved versus being apathetic. The groom’s mother is supposed to also be supportive, invisible and never, never, never undermine the bride.She  DOES NOT offer too much advice or ask too many questions or even attempt to change one single detail of the wedding without her future daughter-in-law’s expressed premission. That’s  a tightrope I am not looking forward to walking!

A Mother’s checklist: ( mother of bride OR groom)

-Offer to pay for whatever you can

-Always let the mother of the bride select her gown first. ALWAYS.

-Always let the bride make the decisions. This is not your wedding!

-Be available for fittings, tastings or samplings of any kind.

-Don’t get offended if you aren’t asked to do something.

-Never criticize the bride to the groom (especially if he is your son).

-Communication is critical.

-Be open to new possiblities, maybe their way is the best way!

-Remember that this is not your wedding.

-Always be supportive, be ready to handle the tears and drama.

– Know when to back off.

Most importantly, as a mother you have to understand that this is the beginning of letting go. If handled properly, you will gain more than you could ever imagine. If it things ever get heated, ask yourself which would you rather have, a few minutes of “Me Time”  or a lifetime of being loved?

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

Not Your Mother’s, Mother’s Dress – Find a Gown That Is Right For You

I am 50. Yes, I’m 50! I have two sons who are 10 & 12 years old. Mathematically they could be my grandchildren. It is difficult enough right now for me to find a dress to wear to a wedding or other function and I cannot imagine how hard it will be for me when they reach the age they are ready to get married. Why is it so hard for women my age to find just the right dress? How much time do you have?

Most women my age who are not 100% comfortable with their bodies hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else. There is also a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they become AARP members. Hardly fair, is it?

As a woman over 50 I can tell you that there are other options. Here are a few things to remember before you buy anything for your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 4″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Is Your Luck Good or Bad?

There are so many symbolic things about weddings that if you go culture by culture, every single thing from the ring to the gown can be interpreted as either good luck or bad luck. Take for instance wearing pearls: Said to be bad luck in some cultures since each pearl represents the tears the bride will she during their marriage. Of course another culture sees pearls as good luck since each pearl replaces the tears of the bride leaving her care-free and happy forever. Seriously?  Pearls represent  the beauty of nature and nothing else.

More about  tears – if it rains on your wedding day it is good luck since it washes away all the tears. If it rains on your wedding day it is bad luck, dooming your entire marriage to a deluge of tears. Actually if it rains on your wedding day it is because there is a large amount of condensation in the clouds.

It is bad luck for the bride to make her own wedding gown because every stitch represents a tear (again with the tears). The truth is that it is bad luck for a bride to make her gown because there are a million other wedding  things to do. Plus, sewing, if done properly, is hard work and the fittings are next to impossible on yourself without a dress form that is a perfect match to your body. Making your own dress is a recipe for stress, nothing else.

If the bride or groom drops the wedding ring it is good luck since it shakes off evil spirits. However, if it is dropped by anyone else, they will be the first among you to die.  This is probably why modern ring bearer pillows have long ribbon ties since this is too big a sacrifice for a wedding.

Allegedly, if the mother of the groom throws a shoe at the bride as the couple leaves for their reception, the bride and mother in law will forever be best of friends.  I would have been thrilled if all my mother in law ever threw at me was a shoe! My guess is that if she hits the bride, all bets are off.

The time of day that the couple exchanges vows should be when the clock is moving upward so you are ascending toward heaven. Attention Brides: Move the time of your wedding  from 2 pm  to 2:30 pm. If you only have digital clocks, disregard.

Sharing the same last initial is bad luck. This omen comes with a handy rhyme  “To change the name and not the letter is a change for the worse and not the better.” I personally think it makes things a lot easier; monogrammed towels, stationery, luggage tags,etc.

Last but not least it is considered bad luck for the bride to sign her married name before the wedding. But why would she? Unless you are 12 years old and you are marrying Justin Beiber, scribbling your married name on a binder  “Mrs. Justin Beiber”….nobody does this.

Society is fraught with rules and omens  that no longer have any relevance to modern society. I would bet that 300 years ago  when someone handed the groom a wedding ring, they dropped it was because they were coughing so hard  from the black plague  – of course they were the next to die! OMG nobody touch the ring – you’re all going to die!

I am sure that these explanations and theories made sense at one time but not any more. Get married at 2 pm on a sunny day, drop the ring, make your dress and sign your married name the day before the wedding….just make sure you duck if you see your  mother in law removing her shoe. 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago