Category Archives: Mother of Bride

Finding A Dress For Mom… Definitely Harder Than You Think!

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 I have learned a lot in my life. But, there is one question that I have yet to find the answer:  Why is it so hard for women over 50  to find just the right dress for a special event – ?  
First of all,  most  are not 100% comfortable with their bodies anymore and hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else.

Secondly, there is a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they reach senior ‘citizenship’. Hardly fair, is it?

 Here are a few things to consider before you buy anything to wear to  your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you hear, read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 3″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren or Jane Fonda!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Jane Fonda - The Red Carpet at the Cannes Film Fest

Mother’s Day Merriment

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If you are counting, there are only 364 days left until Mothers Day. Mothers Day is a time for reflection, a time to celebrate the role your mother has played in your life,  a time for celebration. Its also a perfect time to look at the mother’s role on your wedding day.

The mother of the bride is the second most stressed and scrutinized woman of the day. A great mom shoulders the responsibility of not only making sure that her daughter’s needs are fulfilled but also making sure that every single detail is executed with medical precision without being a ‘stage mother’. She has to be in the spotlight and yet invisible. Very tough. Remember – it’s always the mom’s fault, and she knows it. “Your daughter’s wedding was __________ (insert good or bad comment here)” will either haunt or comfort  her for the rest of her life.

The mother of the groom has an equally tough job considering the ramifications of being too involved versus being apathetic. The groom’s mother is supposed to also be supportive, invisible and never, never, never undermine the bride.She  DOES NOT offer too much advice or ask too many questions or even attempt to change one single detail of the wedding without her future daughter-in-law’s expressed premission. That’s  a tightrope I am not looking forward to walking!

A Mother’s checklist: ( mother of bride OR groom)

-Offer to pay for whatever you can

-Always let the mother of the bride select her gown first. ALWAYS.

-Always let the bride make the decisions. This is not your wedding!

-Be available for fittings, tastings or samplings of any kind.

-Don’t get offended if you aren’t asked to do something.

-Never criticize the bride to the groom (especially if he is your son).

-Communication is critical.

-Be open to new possiblities, maybe their way is the best way!

-Remember that this is not your wedding.

-Always be supportive, be ready to handle the tears and drama.

– Know when to back off.

Most importantly, as a mother you have to understand that this is the beginning of letting go. If handled properly, you will gain more than you could ever imagine. If it things ever get heated, ask yourself which would you rather have, a few minutes of “Me Time”  or a lifetime of being loved?

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

Your Mother’s Gown – A Delicate Matter

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You have seen your parent’s wedding portrait hanging in the house for years. As a little girl, you probably thought your mother’s gown was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. As a teenage girl, you probably thought it was dated or possible hideous. As a newly engaged woman, the idea of wearing your mother’s gown has probably entered into conversation at least once. She ‘saved’ it, had it heirloomed or preserved in acid-free tissue so that you would one day be able to walk down the aisle in the gown she chose so many years ago.

Just a few problems with this scenario: 1) She chose it for herself, not a child that had yet to be born. 2) It probably is dated. 3) You are more than likely not the same size. 4) What if you have sisters? Are you all supposed to wear her gown… all of you wearing exact same gown?

Let’s face it – you probably don’t want to wear it. You probably have an idea of  how you want to look on your wedding day and it doesn’t involve anything from your mother’s closet. It’s not vintage enough, it’s not retro enough, its just not enough!

So what do you do when she brings out the giant heirloom box and starts to talk about how beautiful you are going to look? Be gentle, be kind but, be honest.  tell her your exact feelings as nicely as possible. You should definitely try it on, tell stories and laugh! When the time comes, just  tell her that you want a different style or color or whatever the case may be.  you may be shocked at how easily she takes the news. You see, as a mom, I can tell you that when you save these things for your children you are really saving them for yourself.  
A compromise may be to use parts of the gown for something on your wedding day ensemble. Adding some of her lace to your gown is a beautiful sentiment and it leaves other elements for siblings to use as well.  Putting the edge on a handkerchief or using some of the fabric for a purse or to decorate a card box is equally nice.

Your wedding gown is probably the single costliest clothing item you will ever own, you will be photographed more wearing this gown than anything else you ever wear, you will hang your wedding portrait in your house and probably keep it in the same spot forever.

Whatever gown you choose, make sure to include your mother in the process ( and not just her wallet) so that she feels as special on your day as she did on hers so many years ago.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

The Name Game: Addressing Your In-Laws

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This dilemma is as old as relationships; how do you address your in-laws? This is a delicate maneuver where there is no clear right or wrong. The only thing right or wrong is how you handle it.

First and foremost, the entire situation needs to be handled both directly and quickly. As a newcomer, your first task is to ask them how they would prefer to be addressed. Just as it was odd, at first, to refer to yourself ‘engaged’ or ‘married’  it became the norm and you got used to it. Beware: once you begin calling your partner’s parents “Mom & Dad” you may find yourself becoming closer to them emotionally and treating them just like (dare I say) family.

Second there is your comfort level. This will be based on several things including your relationship with your own family and the relationship you have with your partner’s parents. If you are not very close to your in-laws, calling them “Mom and Dad” may feel like you are trying too hard. Don’t force it if you don’t feel it. Let’s face it – some parents are more nurturing than others.

There is also respect involved. To be respectful you should always address them as “Mr. & Mrs.” until after the wedding unless they have requested otherwise. It may make them very resentful if you call them by their first name without any prior conversation. This is especially true with mothers, you know how we are.

Parents who don’t want to age are big problem, too. They still live in their glory days, dress too young, whatever. The problem is that they don’t think they are old enough to be the parent of an adult and really think other people feel the same. Most of the time they are wrong but, fighting this battle is not worth the time. Call them by their first name or whatever they ask you to… it’s much easier.

No take-backs. If you begin calling your in-laws “Mom & Dad” early on and then have spat and casually refer to one of them by their first name this could drive a wedge between you. It will break a bond that may take years to repair. They are family – argue as much as you like but, keep it respectful.

The first time I ever met my father-in-law he asked to me to call him “Daddy”. Okay. Except I was 38, already married and 4 months pregnant with his first grandchild. I guess I was reticent because he was not a big part of my husband’s life at that point in time. My mother-in-law was as close in age to me in one direction as my husband was in the other so calling her ‘Mom’ seemed insulting. She was 9 years older than me, my husband is 9 years younger….. awkward.

In modern times there are more situations like mine, where blended or divorced families have close, semi-close or distant relationships. Odd age differences, step-parents, etc.  What matters is that you both agree on how you address the issue. As a couple, you have to stand together and remember the only rule is that there are are no rules. Of course once children are involved everything changes.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago