I love it when I open my email and someone re-cants story that happened and I know before I finish the first line how it is going to end! When the story has been repeated so many times that people begin to actually think it is true. Of course the details change slightly but, everyone knows the end result…. Urban Legend. Where do these things get their start? Some urban legends are like fables and they have an underlying moral; the hair braid legend is to remind parent’s to wash their kids hair at least once a week. Some are made up from what people secretly wish happened; Donald Trump pays off their mortgage. Some are purely mean-spirited; Barack Obama’s birth certificate is fake. And some some are just pure entertainment; the pregnant turkey comes to mind. Whatever the occasion, there is an urban legend to delight everyone. Since today is Friday 13th I am sharing my favorite wedding urban legends with gamophiles everywhere.
The Fatal Tan is a horrid tale of vanity and stupidity. A bride feels she is too pale to look good for her wedding so she goes to several tanning salons every day for the maximum allottedtime at each salon. On the fifth day she is found dead, it seems her organs sunburned from the inside. It is important to note that in some versions of this story the bride is described as a blonde at this exact point in the story… for reasons I am not quite sure. The moral of the story is not to be tan, or not to be vain, or not to be blonde, I guess.
Bride and Seek is not a pleasant story, either. The bride and groom engage in a game of hide and seek at their reception which is being held in a barn, warehouse or wherever and the bride cannot be found. The groom is furious but move son with his life. After a few weeks she is found in an old trunk. She was inebriated, knocked unconscious and died. This is the kind of story you make up to remind the bride and groom not to drink too much. I feel it leaves a lot of unanswered questions: Who has a wedding reception in an abandoned barn or warehouse? Why was someone cleaning an abandoned barn or warehouse? If the maid found her in a trunk, why couldn’t the groom or the guests find her?
Rice at Weddings is another gruesome tale (I’m seeing a pattern, here). Supposedly written by an actual photographer at an actual wedding who saw this first-hand. While at a wedding snapping pictures of the couple leaving the church as all the guests were throwing rice, the photographer immediately noticed red spots appeared on the bride’s gown. He was able to capture the look of horror on the guest’s faces as nearby birds began ingesting the rice and immediately exploding. Okay, where are the pictures and what kind of rice was it? Exploding rice? Everyone who thinks this is true raise your hand. Everyone put your hands down.
Last but not least – the king or queen of all wedding legends is the Clemson/Mastercard/Disgruntled Bride or Groom legend.You see this legend has enough power to spread from the bride to the groom effortlessly. It can be in Clemson University or anywhere. It can take on a life of its own and be either before, during or after the actual wedding and could also apparently be used for a Mastercard commercial. The most popular version is during the reception, by the groom at Clemson University. Here goes: A man and woman are married in a lavish ceremony (maybe at Clemson, maybe not) and after (or during) the wedding the groom (or bride) stands up and thanks everyone for coming and informs them that there is a special gift for them taped under their seat. Everyone has received a manila envelope with 8×10 glossy photos of the bride with the best man or (groom with the maid of honor) in various stages of undress, obviously having an affair. The Mastercard version ends with the tag line: Priceless. I think you get it.
I saved the best for last. This is a brand new one and you may not have even seen or heard this. I came across the ROYAL wedding photo hoax three days after the Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. It is well-done, even though the pictures are rather fuzzy it renders the feeling of an artsy wedding photo. Not terribly well thought out since the gown, cake and not much else is a match but, adding the Corgis was an especially nice touch. I will go out on a limb and say the Queen of England and Elton John did not engage in a conga line but, if these pictures are not hilarious, I will eat my words!
– Pernny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago