Tag Archives: family relationships

Remembering Loved Ones At Your Wedding

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The date is set, the hall is booked, you have every detail of your wedding meticulously planned and you couldn’t be more excited for your wedding day to arrive. The only problem is that someone you loved is no longer here to share it with you. Whether it is wedding gown shopping with your mother or missing out on dancing with your father, there is an empty spot at your wedding and nothing or no one can fill that void. Instead of glossing it over, or trying to forget about how it would have ( should have) been, focus on including your dearly departed loved ones in the ceremony and reception in a way that keeps them close to your heart. There are a dozens of ways to remember your loved ones on this special day without turning a celebration into a maudlin occasion, here some of our favorites.

Have an empty chair where this person would have been seated and place a rose on the chair to signify their importance.

Wear something that the loved one wore on their wedding day or use portions of it creatively, like sewing a portion of your father’s favorite tie sewn into a garter or handkerchief.

Include lighting  a candle for that person into your ceremony. Don’t forget to include the details in the wedding program so everyone knows what is going on.

Include a framed photo of your loved one on the table by the guest book.

Mention them in your wedding toast. Raising a glass to someone is sometimes the most appropriate form of remembrance but, keep it short.

Use one of their favorite songs as your first dance or another significant moment in the day.

Whether you lost your loved one a month or many years ago, they are always missed especially during these special times. The best way to honor them is by adding touches to your wedding that celebrates the special times they shared with you. In other words, make it personal.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

How Many Bridesmaids?

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The average number of attendants has risen over the last few years from 3 to 6 since 2000. Six bridesmaids is a lot to manage. Statistically you will probably have at least one who is married, one who is pregnant, one who is difficult, one who is broke, and one who has issues. In addition to planning the wedding you will also have to keep a watchful eye on bridesmaid gown orders, shoes and  and at the very least be aware of the fittings, etc when the gowns arrive. You will have to be sensitive to each of them and at certain times flexible so keep that in mind when it seems like a good idea to have 8 bridesmaids. Ask yourself, “Do I have the patience to handle this?”

The most important thing you can do if you are having several attendants is to have a very reliable maid of honor. She will need to oversee all of the scheduling and act as a buffer between you and the difficult one, anyway. Without her, you will be drowning in drama. Have a heart to heart talk and tell her that you need her to keep things in check, remind her that you are counting on her to help things go smoothly. If she flinches, you need to pick someone else.

Myth: You can’t have an odd number of bridesmaids.

Fact: You can have any odd or even number including the (unlucky) 13.

Myth: There has to be an usher for every bridesmaid

Fact: Grown women are perfectly capable of walking up and down the aisle solo. In fact you can have one usher escort two bridesmaids if necessary.

Myth: There should be  one bridesmaid for every 50-60 guests.

Fact: You can have a many or as few as you like. The record? Jill Stapleton of Ohio had 110 bridesmaids at her wedding in June 2010. To be fair, you should not have more attendants than guests.

No matter how many bridesmaids you choose, make sure they are all on board with the planning, the spending and the entire affair. The last thing you need is to be worrying about everyone else’s problems.

 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Our (Lack of) Wedding Party : wedding bridesmaid groomsman tallahassee Vintage034 vintage034

The Name Game: Addressing Your In-Laws

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This dilemma is as old as relationships; how do you address your in-laws? This is a delicate maneuver where there is no clear right or wrong. The only thing right or wrong is how you handle it.

First and foremost, the entire situation needs to be handled both directly and quickly. As a newcomer, your first task is to ask them how they would prefer to be addressed. Just as it was odd, at first, to refer to yourself ‘engaged’ or ‘married’  it became the norm and you got used to it. Beware: once you begin calling your partner’s parents “Mom & Dad” you may find yourself becoming closer to them emotionally and treating them just like (dare I say) family.

Second there is your comfort level. This will be based on several things including your relationship with your own family and the relationship you have with your partner’s parents. If you are not very close to your in-laws, calling them “Mom and Dad” may feel like you are trying too hard. Don’t force it if you don’t feel it. Let’s face it – some parents are more nurturing than others.

There is also respect involved. To be respectful you should always address them as “Mr. & Mrs.” until after the wedding unless they have requested otherwise. It may make them very resentful if you call them by their first name without any prior conversation. This is especially true with mothers, you know how we are.

Parents who don’t want to age are big problem, too. They still live in their glory days, dress too young, whatever. The problem is that they don’t think they are old enough to be the parent of an adult and really think other people feel the same. Most of the time they are wrong but, fighting this battle is not worth the time. Call them by their first name or whatever they ask you to… it’s much easier.

No take-backs. If you begin calling your in-laws “Mom & Dad” early on and then have spat and casually refer to one of them by their first name this could drive a wedge between you. It will break a bond that may take years to repair. They are family – argue as much as you like but, keep it respectful.

The first time I ever met my father-in-law he asked to me to call him “Daddy”. Okay. Except I was 38, already married and 4 months pregnant with his first grandchild. I guess I was reticent because he was not a big part of my husband’s life at that point in time. My mother-in-law was as close in age to me in one direction as my husband was in the other so calling her ‘Mom’ seemed insulting. She was 9 years older than me, my husband is 9 years younger….. awkward.

In modern times there are more situations like mine, where blended or divorced families have close, semi-close or distant relationships. Odd age differences, step-parents, etc.  What matters is that you both agree on how you address the issue. As a couple, you have to stand together and remember the only rule is that there are are no rules. Of course once children are involved everything changes.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago