Category Archives: Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Giving Away The Bride – Who’s In, Who’s Out?

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It is a well known fact that it is the responsibility (and honor) of the bride’s father to walk the bride down the aisle, presenting her at the altar to her future husband, and then later sharing a dance.   In some cases, both parents walk the bride down the aisle and in other cases she walks alone and rare cases where two grown men come together and share this responsibility equally, and of course cases where the mother walks the bride solo. In 2012 you have all sorts of combinations and none of them is right or wrong.  This is one of those ever-changing customs that seems to get more complicated every day. 

To offer a little help if you are trying to decide who should do the honor, ask yourself the following questions:

Who is paying for the wedding? If your stepfather is paying for the wedding 100%, he should be given the place of honor at your side, right? Maybe.  That is unless, of course, he had absolutely no hand in raising you, barely knows you, recently married your mother and you never lived under the same roof with you, he is not exactly a parental figure – yet.

Who raised you? If your father raised you, cared for you, packed your school lunches and drove carpool to dance class, he should be given the place of honor at your side even if he doesn’t have one dime to contribute toward your dream wedding, right? Maybe.  Blood is thicker than water and family is more important than money. However, your stepfather ( and mother)  may have some trouble swallowing the idea of paying for everything and receiving no end credit.

Is there even a father  figure in your life? If your father is deceased or absent from your life and your mother raised you single-handedly, she has every right to be at your side… just the two of you. If she declines (and she might) , ask a favorite uncle or a brother.  

Does everyone get along? If so, have this conversation in a group and include his family as well. Keeping the lines of communication open will make planning much easier. For instance; your parents are divorced and both remarried. If everyone gets along swimmingly and you want to have an honest discussion about who is paying for what and who has what role in the wedding this – do it. It will save tons of time and drama later. Even if you are all on great terms this might be a touchy subject and hurt feelings could turn into a huge family debacle if left unchecked. Always be respectful of the role your parents have played in your life up to this point – it is not all about the wedding. The point is to be inclusive and not exclusive.

Can anyone even be in the same room?If you have the unfortunate circumstance of having suffered through a bitter divorce, subsequent re-marriages of your parents to other people and extremely hostile family relations – buckle up…this is going to be a bumpy ride! Hold on tight to your fiance’s hand and get through this however you can. My advice is to  delegate the dad responsibilities with whomever you feel is the most deserving and responsible and be prepared for the repercussions.  Of course this is more complicated than a simple decision but go back to questions #1 and#2 and decide who played the most important role in your life. Do not let anyone hold you hostage by threatening to boycott the nuptials if they don’t get their way, this is your decision (as a couple) and there is no going back once the decision is made.

It is important to make this decision early since the wording on the invitation can be complicated with fractured and blended families. If  parents and stepparents are all assisting financially with the wedding, their names should be on the invitation.  This is can be tricky so ask your invitation specialist to help you with the wording before you make a costly mistake.

For the Father/Daughter dance you can dance with both dads during the course of the song, changing partners after an allotted time, you can dance with one father ‘figure’ or you can omit this routine entirely. No one says it has to be a part of your wedding. Discuss this with your DJ.

The absolute worst thing that can happen at your wedding is to let any of these small situations get out of control. Unless you are one of the rare families that get along famously and never argue, you will have some sort of struggle on your hands. Close your eyes, envision the outcome you desire and  when you open your eyes take whatever steps necessary to make that happen without hurting anyone’s feelings or stepping on anyone’s toes. That means at no point in the conversation are you allowed to say “It’s my day”  since that expression is a tad over-used and completely self-induglent. You have to be respectful and make your point without becoming  a martyr or spoiled brat.

Remember that if you have the luxury of having parents or multiple parents, count your blessings, even if they don’t love each other as much as you would like, they most certainly love you and will most likely do whatver it takes to ensure your wedding is a joyous occasion.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Invitation Etiquette – Mistakes, Mishaps and Missteps

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Life is complicated. Weddings are even more complicated and proper etiquette is really, really complicated. Actually it’s not, it is really just common sense and it is not intended to make you feel better than other people, it is supposed to make other people feel comfortable with you. The most common etiquette mistakes are made with written correspondence.

When you begin to work your invitations, there are some fairly easy to remember tips:

-Save the Date cards, once reserved for only wealthy and important people, are almost standard fare these days. They should be sent 4 to 6 months prior to the wedding and only sent to people who will be invited to the wedding. Your wedding website ( if you have one) can and should be listed on the Save the Date.

-Never list any gift registries on your invitation. Save that for personal correspondences and your website. This is where a website comes in very handy for sharing information!

-Do not invite anyone to a pre-wedding event that you will not invite to the wedding. You can’t expect someone to come to your shower and give you a present if you’re not planning to invite them to the wedding. It would seem like they were good enough to give you a shower gift but not good enough to celebrate with you on the big day. The shower is meant to be a party for the women closest to the bride (and often her mom and the groom’s mom too). All these close female friends and relatives should also be invited to the wedding.

-Invitations with reply cards still need to have “RSVP” printed on them. This is just to remind them and it is a common courtesy. Many won’t send it back and someone will have to be delegated to make phone calls two weeks before the wedding to check on them. It’s a pain – but, there is one in every bunch… just be polite.

-Always add the right postage!!! Check and double check.

– It is not in bad manners to say ‘no children’ on the invitation. It would actually be bad to NOT mention it. Spell it out clearly and leave nothing to the imagination.

-Invitations should be sent out 6-8 weeks before the wedding. The RSVP date should be 2 weeks before the wedding date.

– Thank You cards should match the invitations and should be sent out as soon as you return from the honeymoon.

Invitation wording is trickier than ever; with blended families, multi-cultural parents, same-sex parents, all kinds of different combinations, it is hard to know where to draw the line. Your invitation specialist  should be able to help you with grammar, spelling and protocol. If you choose to DIY on the invitations, consult an etiquette handbook of some sort to walk you through the proper phraseology, you will not be sorry.

It’s a tough world out there, folks and etiquette makes it bearable for those of us who don’t answer the phone during dinner, who let old ladies sit on public transportation, who hold doors open for someone carrying a large package. It makes them feel more comfortable  and that’s the way it should be.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

The Scoop: Wedding Invitations

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With all the ever-changing trends in wedding  attire, lighting, color and decor, the one thing that has hardly changed at all is the invitation. Actual written invitations became popular to the masses shortly after World War II when rapid industrial growth gave the common person the ability to mimic the lifestyle of society’s elite. Until that time, only the super wealthy could afford beautifully printed stationery items. Now, brides and grooms can go so far as to even print their own wedding invitations, thank you, reply cards and other inserts at home. Of course I always strongly advise against doing anything yourself when it comes to something as important as your wedding. For one thing, the smallest mistake can ruin the entire project but, mostly because couples have enough to worry about without the added stress of a DIY project gone wrong.

For picture perfect ( and stress-free) wedding invitations:
Find something that expresses your personality and/or the theme of the wedding. Ultra-formal, casual, flashy or artsy… finding the right design is not as easy as it sounds. Spend plenty of time picking out  invitations that reflect  your personalities and give the guest a hint of what to expect at your affair.

Save The Date.  This is what gives them the first clue to your wedding style. It does not have to be the same exact style as the invitation but it should have a similar feel.

Inserts. Make sure that each invitation has a reply card with pre-paid postage. If you desire, you can also add a map, itinerary and some  include an insert that has neighboring hotels and other points of interest for out of town guests.

Thank You(s).Don’t forget to order Thank You Notes to match the invitations. This is the one detail that is often overlooked… hard to believe.

Quantity. Always order extra invitations and additional envelopes on top of that. The rule is to divide total number of guests by 2 and then add 25. But, this formula will not work for everyone. A good cushion is to have 10 additional invitations in case there is a last minute change.

Font. Don’t let anyone tell you that most fonts all look the same. Monotype Corsiva is way different than French Script. If you are in doubt, defer to the expertise of your invitation specialist.

Postage. Never rely on chance. Take the invitation to the post office, have it weighed and measured with all inserts in place. When you drop them off, make sure you ask how to make sure they are hand stamped. Irregular sizes like square envelopes always require more postage. Determining the postage is especially important if you decide on boxed invitations. Boxed invitations are small packages and will be weighed and measured differently than letters.

Stamps. You can order stamps online using your own photos or you can use an attractive stamp from the post office. Seasonal stamps are nice, especially the ones that have some sentimental meaning to you.

Calligraphy. Sometimes thought of as a lost art, calligraphy is something that cannot be mimicked by any computer program and is without a doubt, the most elegant form of addressing your guests’s envelopes.

Double-check. Double check for misspelled names, typos, grammar and syntax. Wording can be tricky (especially with blended families) so, ask for help with wording if  you need it and get a second opinion even if you think you don’t need one

The invitation is the first and last impression your guests will have of your wedding… make it as unique and special as you are!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Personalizing Your Wedding Invitations

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Wedding invitations have evolved into something so personal and unique that you can actually get a feel for the wedding itself just by seeing (and touching) the invitation. Whether you choose parchment, custom engraving or print the invitations yourself, there are dozens of things you can do to spice up the first impression your guests will get of your wedding.

Photos – Consider incorporating your engagement photo into the invitation to make an impact.

Verses – Using your own words, maybe some sort of prose, will add an artistic flair.

Incorporate – Use touches of your culture with color and font.

Sparkle – A little sparkle never hurt anyone, right? A touch of glitter, a rhinestone or iridescent ink is very exciting.

Do not add confetti – no one likes opening an envelope with confetti in it.

Address – Consider calligraphy instead of printed address labels, it really makes an impact.

Stamps – Using a stamp with a specific theme is a nice idea. Take it a step further by using  custom photo stamps for all of your wedding postage.

Postage –  Making sure you have the correct postage will save a ton of headaches. Can you  imagine having 150 invitations returned?

The most important thing to keep in mind when selecting your wedding invitations is that you don’t forget your personal style. Keep the event and location in mind and let that dictate the style of the paper, ink, font and wording.  With literally hundreds of choices, it can get very confusing but, don’t despair – there is a style out there just right for you. 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

Reply Card Roulette

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 Unlike some future grooms, my husband helped with a lot of the wedding planning. He picked the menu, the cake, the venue and he singelhandedly documented receipt of the reply cards. Every day he hurried to he mailbox to collect the replies and took great delight in making the necessary notations on the master list. I could tell when the cards began to dwindle because he started to walk a little slower to the mailbox. For us, the reply cards were an exhilarating experience, and eventually an exhausting one, since not everyone replied in a timely manner, replied appropriately or replied at all. Believe it or not, the reply card is fraught with  places for guests to make errors and faux pas and for some reason, this is where guests make the majority of blunders. Your part is simple: You address the invitation to the person(s) you are inviting and make sure that you have a place on the reply card for the number of invited guests. So, what do you do when it all goes awry despite your best plans and intentions?

-When you sent a reply card that is obviously intended for the invited guest +1 and the invited guest returns the card, adding +2 or more without having previously discussed this with you, including adding their own children without your approval or acceptance of the idea, it is time to pick up the phone. Simply tell the guest that their invitation is intended for them and one guest only and leave it at that. There are exceptions but, those exceptions are totally up to you. What if they show up with the +2 or more, anyway…? You have to be prepared how to handle this, just in case.

-When you have received no reply card and it’s one week before the wedding? Time to pick up the phone and make a call to this guest and ask if they will be attending. Be specific about the reason you are calling; so you can ensure all of your guests have a place to sit and a proper meal.

As for those who reply, “YES” and then don’t show, there must be a very good reason. Of course you don’t expect  someone with a serious illness or broken leg to jump out of a hospital bed to attend your wedding but, wait until after the wedding to then call and see if they are doing better. Don’t wait for them to call you, they won’t.  They will probably feel you are too busy to talk and will wait for action on your part. This is not a snub or lack of concern, and this is one of those tiny little things that can ruin a lifelong friendship. Pick up the phone, call and see what happened. You are the only person who can decide if their reason for being a no-show was adequate.

-What if the reply is “NO” and they show up anyway? This is tricky. Speak to someone at the venue and see if there is a place they can be seated (there is usually some wiggle room) Of course they won’t have an assigned table or a place card or a favor but, they will be able to sit and that is all that matters. If there really is no room, you will have to be the one to deliver the news as gently as possible. I know firsthand how difficult this can be, I actually had a couple show up after having replied “NO” and there were no additional seats available anywhere in the room. Our solution was to ask them to sit at the bar and we paid  ‘a la carte’ for two additional meals. Tricky but not unmanageable.

There may be no single solution that works for everyone but, planning ahead will avoid hurt feelings and possible blowups. Consider posting information regarding seating on your wedding website if you have one, emailing people who you think may be having trouble with the reply card concept and possibly having specific instructions printed on the reply card. Some couples have resorted to adding “We have reserved ___ seats for you”  (or similar text) to the reply card. In my opinion, keep it simple and limit the possiblities of error. Although going above and beyond is a nice gesture,  I doubt if some people will even notice.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Courthouse Weddings – Facts and Myths

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There is nothing that says a courthouse wedding can’t be fabulous. As with all brides and grooms, this is your event to plan any way you want and nothing is stopping you from having a memorable event… at the county courthouse.

Myth: You don’t have to get dressed up to get married at the courthouse.

Fact: You should wear something special. Buy a beautiful dress, some new shoes and jewelry, have your hair and makeup done. Maybe you don’t want a traditional wedding gown but, this is a great time to wear something really fabulous. I can’t be the only one that thought Carrie Bradshaw’s courthouse look was way better than the “bird on her head” wedding getup. Men should wear at least a sport coat or a tie. You are beginning your lives together and for that you should look your best. Set the bar high and don’t ever forget what a special day this is.

Myth: You don’t have to bring anyone with you

Fact: You should bring the people who mean the most to you. Let them witness this important event and remind you of the commitment you made. They will be happy you asked and you will be happy they came. In fact, you can bring  several people with you but, I would keep it to your immediate families so that no one gets hurt feelings.

Myth: You don’t need flowers.

Fact: You should have a small bouquet, and he should have a small boutonniere. It doesn’t have to be fancy or super-expensive, it should be simple and elegant and smell really good.

Myth: All you need is a few snapshots – from your cell phone!

Fact: You should definitely hire a photographer, even if it is only for a couple of hours. Since the majority of their clients get married on the weekend you may be able to hire a photographer for a much lower rate, it never hurts to ask. You will not be sorry that you have a few beautiful photos of your wedding no matter where it is.

Myth: If you get married in the courthouse you shouldn’t have a reception

Fact:  There are many reasons that some couples opt for a simple courthouse wedding. Sometimes it is due to economic difficulties, logistics,  and then there are some people just prefer the privacy of a civil ceremony. This doesn’t mean that you cannot have a celebration afterwards. Plan a simple family dinner at your favorite restaurant or an entire reception if you want, although you may not want to call it a ‘reception’ since that term is reserved for an event immediate following the ceremony. If you decide to go this route and wait a few months, consult your invitation specialist to change the wording accordingly. Don’t wait too long –  the sooner the better!

This is your wedding, your commitment, the beginning of your lives together, celebrate it how you want and remember this: no matter how low-key you want it to be… it can still be fabulous.

 -Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Who Gives This Bride?

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It is a well known fact that it is the responsibility (and honor) of the bride’s father to walk the bride down the aisle, presenting her at the altar to her future husband. and then later sharing a dance while an appropriate song plays in the background.   In some cases, both parents walk the bride down the aisle and in other cases she walks alone and rare cases where two grown men come together and share this responsibility equally.  This is one of those ever-changing customs that seems to get more complicated every day. To offer a little help if you are trying to decide who should do the honor, ask yourself the following questions:

Who is paying for the wedding? If your stepfather is paying for the wedding 100%, he should be given the place of honor at your side, right? Maybe.  That is unless, of course, he had absolutely no hand in raising you, barely knows you, recently married your mother and you never lived under the same roof with you, he is not exactly a parental figure – yet.

Who raised you? If your father raised you, cared for you, packed your school lunches and drove carpool to dance class, he should be given the place of honor at your side even if he doesn’t have one dime to contribute toward your dream wedding, right? Maybe.  Blood is thicker than water and family is more important than money. However, your stepfather ( and mother)  may have some trouble swallowing the idea of paying for everything and receiving no end credit.

Is there a dominant father figure in your life?If your father is deceased or absent from your life and your mother raised you single handedly, she has every right to be at your side… just the two of you. If she declines (and she might) , ask a favorite uncle or a brother.  

Does everyone get along? If so, have this conversation in a group and include his family as well. Keeping the lines of communication open will make planning much easier. For instance; your parents are divorced and both remarried. Everyone gets along and you want to have an honest discussion about who is paying for what and who has what role in the wedding this – do it. It will save tons of time and drama later. Even if you are all on great terms this might be a touchy subject and hurt feelings could turn into a huge family debacle if left unchecked. Always be respectful of the role your parents have played in your life up to this point – it is not all about the wedding. The point is to be inclusive and not exclusive.

Can anyone even be in the same room?If you have the unfortunate circumstance of having suffered through a bitter divorce, subsequent re-marriages of your parents to other people and extremely hostile family relations – buckle up…this is going to be a bumpy ride! Hold on tight to your fiance’s hand and get through this however you can. My advice is to  delegate the dad responsibilities with whomever you feel is the most deserving and be prepared for the repercussions.  Of course this is more complicated than a simple decision but go back to questions #1 and#2 and decide who played the most important role in your life. Do not let anyone hold you hostage by threatening to boycott the nuptials if they don;t get their way, this is your decision (as a couple) and there is no going back once the decision is made.

It is important to make this decision early since the wording on the invitation can be complicated with fractured and blended families. If  parents and stepparents are all assisting financially with the wedding, their names should be on the invitation.  This is can be tricky so ask your invitation specialist to help you with the wording before you make a costly mistake.

For the Father/Daughter dance you can dance with both dads during the course of the song, changing partners after an allotted time, you can dance with one father ‘figure’ or you can omit this routine entirely. No one says it has to be a part of your wedding. Discuss this with your DJ.

The absolute worst thing that can happen at your wedding is to let any of these small situations get out of control. Unless you are one of the rare families that get along famously and never argue, you will have some sort of struggle on your hands. Close your eyes, envision the outcome you desire and  when you open your eyes take whatever steps necessary to make that happen without hurting anyone’s feelings or stepping on anyone’s toes. That means at no point in the conversation are you allowed to say “It’s my day”  since that expression is a tad over-used and completely self-induglent. You have to be respectful and make your point without becoming  a martyr or spoiled brat.

Remember that if you have the luxury of having parents or multiple parents, count your blessings, even if they don’t love each other as much as you would like, they most certainly love you and will most likely do whatver it takes to ensure your wedding is a joyous occasion.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

The Infinite Possibilities of Wedding Invitations

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Before there were 31 flavors, chunky monkey, cookie dough and all kinds of other things added to ice cream there was just vanilla. Vanilla in all it’s glory is still the #1 ice cream choice and hard to resist if it is really good but, from time to time isn’t it nice to indulge in something unique and wonderful just to stimulate your senses?

The same holds true for wedding invitations. The simple engraved wedding invitation is still classic, it is still considered the epitome of style and good taste. But, with so many choices  that it is difficult not to want to express yourself creatively. The good news is that now you don’t have to sacrifice quality to achieve the result you are looking for.

Since the print quality and technology of home printers has become so commonplace people are tempted to print their invitations at home. I strongly advise against it. There are a dozen things that can go wrong, from a crooked layout to accidental misspellings to incorrect grammar. With a professional you have some recourse when the invitations arrive but, when you decide to handle this yourself there is no other option but to start over and the money you saved is now taking up more time and money to correct a problem you could have avoided. In all fairness, some do-it-yourselfers have gone this route sans problem.

Decide what you want to include in your invitation. A response card and pre-addressed, stamped envelope is standard but some couples also include a  map and locations of area restaurants and hotels for out of town guests. If you have a wedding website it is perfeclty acceptable to include a small ‘business’ card with the web address printed on it. Never include any information about gift registries on the invitation.

Sit down with your invitation specialist and go over wording. They should be able to guide you through some tricky situations like how to include step-parents, avoid lengthy diatribes as well as handle proper capitalization, punctuation, etc. The absolute worst wedding invitation I ever received had nonsensical ramblings about love and family and actually named who was ‘hosting’  the event… and it wasn’t the parents.  Somebody dropped the ball and it doesn’t matter who it is, it made the couple look out of touch and  narcissistic. If either set of parents is paying for the wedding, or even contributing a significant portion, their names should be printed in some manner on the invitation. Your invitation professional will guide you through all of this, another good reason you should not do it yourself!

Now for the fun part… picking the actual invitation. This is the single best way to express the theme of the wedding. Use color, texture, do something really different and unique or go old school with calligraphy and simple, chic engraved invitations.

Some hot picks for 2011 are:

– Monograms. Adding the couple’s first initials is the #1 choice for monogrammed invites. Bold or simple, the  monogram adds a personal touch and if done properly can be visually stunning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Texture.Foil imprinted cards, laser cut papers,  organic, textured cardstock. There are as many options to add texture as there are color options.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Theme.  If you are going green, hosting a Renaissance wedding or headed to the beach, use that as your starting point. Starting with the invitation, guests should know exactly what kind of event you have in store for them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Color. Use your wedding colors! Instead of white paper with colored ink, try the reverse – it can be stunning if done properly. If you go with white or cream paper, you can use colored borders, envelope liners or inserts to punch it up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Font and Spacing. Nothing has to be symmetrical. You can space the words out to fit the page, have everything aligned to the left or right to accommodate the design. However, make sure the font matches the overall theme. Large scroll letters do not indicate a simple, modern event just as clean, simple letters will not adequately express the Victorian Garden you have planned at the reception. Ask your invitation specialist to help you narrow down your choices.

 

 

– Photos. Photos on save the date cards  have been commonplace for some time but couples are now starting to add a photo to the invitation itself.  Make sure you ask for photo quality cardstock or the image may wind up looking like an aged newspaper article.

 

 

 – Extras.Don’t forget to order the matching thank you notes, placecards, menus, program  and any other printed material you will need for your wedding. Ordering everything from the same place will save time and aggravation. It will also ensure everything is printed in the same  batch so the  ink color, style, font will be an exact match and everything will arrive at the same time.

Bridal Expo Chicago boasts the dream of the crop when it comes to wedding invitation specialists. At every show you will be amazed at the stunning choices out vendors bring! Call 847-428-3320 today to order tickets to a show in your area!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago