Tag Archives: Maid of honor duties

Friend vs.Fiance

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My husband is the greatest person in the world and still not everyone likes him. Hard to believe, right? Fortunately for me, all of my friends recognize his positive qualities and vice verse. Although that seems rather inconsequential, it is actually quite monumental and something I do not take lightly. I am blessed.

 

Oddly enough, this happens more often than you can imagine. Even more odd is the fact that it is usually the maid of honor or the best man,  so it is not just a friend it is your best friend, your BFF, your childhood chum or the keeper of your secrets  that cannot seem to be in the same room with your betrothed without a fight breaking out.

 

So what do you do when your friend and fiance do not get along? Can you ask her (or him) to be a part of a wedding they do not endorse? How do you avoid getting in the middle of their seemingly endless arguments about nothing? More importantly how do you avoid having  mugshots as your weddings photos?

 

1) Talk it out. Find a time when you can sit down with each of them apart and ask point blank if there is any reason for the disharmony. Be prepared to get an answer you don’t want to hear. Worst case scenario – she thinks he is cheating or he thinks she is stealing from your bank account…. I said worst-case didn’t I? Imagine the worst and hope for the best. If there is no concrete reason, ask each one to give the other a second chance. They may have gotten off to a rocky start but the fence can sometimes be mended.

 

2) Work it out. Find an activity that you like to do and invite each of them. Movie, sporting event, anything where you can avoid the tension…. how about a game of laser tag? Getting them to have fun together might just make them see  how wrong they have been and they might be willing to make a fresh start.

 

3) Be sensitive. Perhaps your friend is simply tired of being the third wheel and has no interest in attending all sorts of couples functions with you (as a couple). Try to keep your friend from feeling the pangs of jealousy by spending alone time and not insisting that they always be in tow. If that friend is in a relationship, work on a group relationship. Be prepared if your fiance and his or her partner don’t become besties …you are just looking for an occasional double date and a way to take the edge off.

 

If you have tried and tried but they continue to put you in the middle, you will have to make a difficult decision. The fact is that if you fully intend to marry the person of whom your friend so strongly disapproves, you will be fighting this battle for the rest of your life. The polite thing to do is to to explain to the friend that he/she cannot be in your wedding because there is too much turmoil  between her and your fiance. “While you are my best friend, I cannot endure any more tug of war between you & ______. So I am asking you to remain my  friend in life and  a guest at my wedding.” The other option is to bury your head in the sand through the entire wedding process and ignore the squabbles.

 

If your friend is offended by the mere suggestion that he or she opt out of standing up for your wedding, gently remind them that attendants are supposed to serve not only as witnesses, but uphold and support this marriage. If you are the friend in this case, why would you even want to be a part of something you don’t condone?

 

This entire discussion could quite possible put an early end to your friendship but it will also ease a lot of suffering for everyone. Realistically,  as time passes and your marriage grows stronger, your friendship will dissolve on it’s own.

 

On the other hand, as time does pass, people change. It is not a bad idea to keep an open mind but, for God’s sake -don’t torture yourself by putting yourself in the middle for too long.  NEVER complain to an unsupportive friend about a  future spouse that they don’t like to begin with – it is a recipe for disaster and confrontation.

 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Bridesmaids – The Movie!

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From the moment I saw the first trailer or heard the first tidbit of information, I knew I HAD to see “Bridesmaids”.  So when my BFFs called and whisked me away to the movie Friday night, wild horses could not have kept me away!
Let me first explain I am not a movie critic and I have no credentials as such. But, I am a woman and I have female friends, I have been both a bridesmaid and a bride and have lived inside the wedding business for almost 30 years, those are my credentials!

As an unqualified movie critic, I suggest that every woman should be required to see this movie. It examines female relationships so hilariously that you cannot imagine you are laughing about something so inappropriate. More importantly, in this movie you will find one or all of the women who are bridesmaids in your circle of friends; the blushing bride, the innocent one, the real mom, the perfect one, the wild card and the maid of dishonor. You will also  find that one or all of you has had similar feelings or circumstances ( maybe not as highly exaggerated as the on-screen version) as the women in this movie.  You will also be surprised at how sympathetic you are to the plight of the bride and each of the onscreen maids.

Basically the bride’s life is coming together just as the  life of her maid of honor seems to be falling apart. As a result, we are forced to take a comedic and raunchy look at how ridiculous some of  the typical bridesmaid rituals really can get.  we watch and laugh as  Annie ( maid of honor) constantly breaks down and nearly ruins every detail of every event with her hilarious hi-jinks and total ineptitude.  She is spectacular.

Annie is that  little voice in our head; every fear personified, every insecurity magnified. She is the funny, un-hinged, insecure girl with a heart of gold who just keeps getting kicked around. Her actions and re-actions to every situation are priceless.

The  movie allows us to admit that the wedding and  bridesmaid gowns are hideous even though they are ultra-expensive.  It allows us to admit that the over-the-top shower invitations ( including a live butterfly) are pretentious and the favors given out by the hostess have simply gone way too far.  It allows us to laugh when life throws a big banana cream pie in our face and eventually realize the only important thing is to hold on to the relationships you have spent a lifetime building.

Rarely do I say this ( and anyone who has seen the movie will probably agree) Bridesmaids II will almost certainly be as good as if not better than the first. Mostly because there are so many other aspects of the wedding that have yet to be examined under a humorous microscope but also because I really fell in love with these women – first as my own friends and then again on screen last Friday.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Maid of Honor and Best Man – drama queens (and kings) need not apply.

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The dust has settled from the Royal Nuptials of Prince William and Princess Catherine and I am left with one lasting impression: they had the absolute best man and woman at their sides to ensure the day went off without error.  This is important. It may seem more important for an internationally televised event than a casual affair but, every wedding is important and your day could be ruined by even the slightest amount of drama. The lesson for the day is to make sure your maid of honor and best man have got your back!

I’ve given tips to being  the perfect attendant…unfortunately not all bridesmaids and groomsmen  got the memo.  In order to avoid embarrassing mistakes do yourself a favor and go through this checklist (asking yourself who is best suited for this job) before you make your final decision.

Maid of honor responsibilities before the wedding:

Coordinate the bridesmaids. 

Host a  Wedding Shower with the other bridesmaid’s help 

Host, plan and arrange a bachelorette party also with the help of the bridesmaids.

Accompany you when you are gown shopping

Maid of Honor responsibilities during the ceremony and reception:

Assist the bride in getting dressed

Hold the groom’s ring

Arrange bridal gown train at appropriate moments.

Hold  flowers during part of the ceremony

Sign the marriage license, if needed.

Arrange the receiving line

Toast the bride and groom

Be available during the reception to assist  in the bathroom.
Best Man responsibilities:

Organize grooomsmen

Help choose tuxes

Plan and host bachelor party

Organize a group gift from the groomsmen

Assist groom on the wedding day ( also known as running interference)

Hold the bride’s ring

Toast at the reception.

In truth, these don’t sound like terribly daunting tasks. Add some work pressure, a few kids, possibly financial stress and you have the potential for disaster.  So even though closest family is usually delegated to the titles of maid of honor and best man, if you have siblings who are unreliable and come with a lot of baggage, you may want to re-consider bestowing the title on them. This may sound extreme and perhaps selfish but in some cases there is so much baggage that even Delta couldn’t handle them. Maybe you don’t have siblings and you have to choose among two friends. Have a frank conversation with that preson before you tell anyone else. You can be very nice about this and phrase it so that it is not hurtful. Explain that you don’t think they need the added pressure. They will understand. In fact, they may not realize it immediately but you will be doing them a favor. The worst thing you can do is hide behind your feelings. “I’ve decided that I am asking  Sarah to be my maid of honor because you have a lot going on right now and I want you to be able to enjoy the day”  See how easy that was? It may be a conversation you want to have in private or with your fiance in tow but, if it must happen, do it sooner rather than later.

Another option would be to split the honors of  the best man or maid of honor between two close confidants. For instance, “Holly will be hosting the bridal shower and Patricia will be hosting the bachelorette party.” Make sure you have the divisions set up equally or this will cause bickering. I don’t really advise this except in rare cases. It will probably cause more work and stress for you.

Lastly I would like to urge each bride and groom to consider which is more important; hurt feelings for a few days (maybe minutes) with your closest friend or a possible fiasco at your wedding… on video… for eternity. Something to think about, definitely.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago