I have never heard anyone say that if they could go back in time they would spend more time arguing about things that don’t really matter.  When it come to weddings, so much time goes into the planning that many couples are left exhausted after the event is over. Exhausted, broke and sometimes bitter.  It seems like the moment you set the date, time has no meaning except in terms of wedding planning. How soon do I need to book a reception site? How soon do we need to order invitations? WHOA!

Before you begin to discuss even one detail of your fairytale wedding, look at the topics that cause the most stress among engaged couples.

Cost – The number one argument starter. In order to avoid this argument, first define who is paying for what. Sit down with whomever is paying for anything and have a candid conversation about costs. If your parents are involved, politely ask them if they will be involved financially as well. Its is not tacky to discuss finances with immediate family. It is tacky to expect them to pay for a lavish event they cannot afford. Have a frank discussion, leaving no questions unanswered. This is the time you should define your budget clearly and leave some wiggle room. There will be some things that come up, some hidden costs that you may not have anticipated and you will want to be able to handle this with ease. Agree on every detail of the budget. If your gown budget is $2,500, make it clear to your bridal consultant and don’t try on $4,000 gowns. It may seem that having less monetary constraints would mean less arguing – not true. For each budget there is a limit. Higher budgets mean higher demands and higher expectations. Stay within your budget and you will have one less reason to disagree with your loved ones.

Prenup –  This sounds like a bad thing but it is actually a good thing. If you or your fiancee are coming into the marriage with vast amounts of financial resources, it is always a good idea to protect yourself. A good prenuptial agreement guarantees both spouses the benefits entitled to each of them as a result of their marriage. This is no reason to argue. Make sure that it is equitable, sign and forget about it.  Unfortunately love does not always last forever. Yes, you can be both romantic and realistic.

Planning – Who is handling what?  One major complaint of brides-to-be is that most men are under-involved in the planning process. Rather than argue about this, ask once and move on. In order to avoid overburdening yourself with every task and errand, delegate responsibilities as much as you can. You  mother, maid of honor, his mother, whoever you completely trust. Allow them the luxury of helping you and allow yourself the luxury of letting go of total control. 

Guest List – The guest list keeps getting longer. What to do? If you have clearly defined your budget you will know how many guests you are able to invite.  If one of your parent’s is determined to add extra guests and are not sharing the wedding expense they should be sent to their room with no video games for a week. Seriously, talk to them immediately about what you can and can not afford. One way to limit extra guests is to make sure the invitations are addressed properly. For single, unattached  friends it should be addressed to them only and it will signal they should not invite a guest. For couples with children, only list the names of the adults. Do not feel bad when guests call and ask if they can bring someone. Explain to them that the budget does not allow for this and end the conversation.
If they write it on the reply card, call them and explain over the phone why they can’t bring an extra person and on their next birthday send them a book of manners.

Seating Chart. Yes, people argue about the seating chart and I know this first-hand. In some cases, it is clearly a bad idea to mix family and friends too closely. Although there are as many cases where mixing it up entirely works great.You always want your loved ones to be comfortable with their dinner partners. If you are respectful of that, everyone will have an enjoyable event, including you.  I would strongly advise against placing two vocal activists of any same issue next to one another at a particular table. 

Each one of these topics is a reason to argue with family, friends or future spouse. It is also an opportunity to rise above the situation and agree to disagree. Do not let strong wills and opinions interfere with your happiness. Find a solution, usually somewhere in the middle, where everyone can be happy.

The best gift you can give yourself is to stay organized, focused and not let your temper get the best of you. Take a deep breath and remember that ultimately your attitude will set the tone for the entire affair, start to finish.

Words to live by:
 “Compromise is what makes nations great and marriages happy”

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago