Fashionably Warm Brides – Winter Is Coming

Winters in Chicago can be brutal and most wedding gowns are bare on top. Even if there is a lace bodice and sleeve, there is no way to stay warm unless you wear a coat. Instead of ruining a  beautiful wedding gown look with a down parka, this is an opportunity to make a really bold fashion statement with a Bridal Coat, Cape or Jacket. Oddly enough, most salons don’t carry bridal coats and most designers focus on the gown so much, they forget the shivering masses.

If you can’t find a wedding coat that suits you, don’t despair – there are options available. The reality is that your legs will probably stay warm with petticoats, stockings and the gown over all of it. Focus on your arms and chest area and remember that the fabric will play an important role in your warmth. Satin gloves and capes are beautiful in photos but, do little to keep you warm. Wool, velvet, cashmere, angora, and faux fur will be comfortable, warm and stylish!

Consider a faux fur jacket like this one from DKNY

Or if the weather is not severely cold, maybe a bolero will work. Remember Kate Middleton? Her simple Angora bolero kept her warm and fuzzy in chilly ( but not freezing) temperatures.

Capes are good, if you can find one. Unfortunately they are few and far between.  A good place to start would be Etsy, where there are some very stylish capes available.

1940s Hollywood Glamour White Cape w/ Fur Mink Tails

 Don’t forget the gloves. Fuzzy, knit gloves in many colors can also help the bridesmaids look and feel great!   

It has been said that ‘Beauty is Pain’. However, the truth is that pain is unnecessary and beauty actually is “In the eye of the beholder”. Find something that you love, that keeps you warm and you will be able to enjoy your wedding day in style.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Unplugged Weddings – Fair or Unfair?

Nowadays nearly everyone has a cell phone, smart phone or some other device that keeps them constantly ‘plugged in’. Is it possible you should sometimes leave the phone at home ? I think we all can agree that there are just some situations where a cell phone is not necessary. 

Some brides and grooms have decided that that too much technology can spoil an event and  are having  “Unplugged Weddings”. Whether it is cameras, phones or other technology, couples are coming to the conclusion that enough is enough and making a statement. If you are among those, you may have a rough road convincing others that they need to be unplugged during the events of the day.

The reasons that couples are opting for unplugged is simple: Noflashes going off during the ceremony, no one popping up in the wrong place in photos because they were trying to get a  good shot, no one’s phone ringing or beeping during any part of the event. 

Is it possible that you could request that everyone to turn off their electronic devices and not offend anyone? No. Some people will see it as an infringement of their personal choice. Some people are so plugged in that it would never occur to them that putting down the device will allow them to enjoy the moment better.

So in the age of technology when nearly everyone is held hostage by some sort of communication device, how do you politely remind guests that you are unplugging?

Start early– Tell everyone that you are planning and unplugged event. Even if it under the pretense of asking their opinion, have a discussion with as many of your guests,  attendants and family as possible about how you plan to do this. Make sure you talk to the guests that have great communications kills –  you know, the ones who like to pass on information.

Officiant –Have a discussion with the officiant on how to make a proper announcement the day of the event so no one will be offended. There are many examples available online but the best way is to be honest. You can add a touch of humor if that’s your style.

Website – If you have a wedding website, designate a page to the subject. Explain your reasons in a way that you feel your guests will understand and a way that does not offend.

Guest – At the event, have one of your  guests serve as the person who reminds everyone and gently ‘nudges’ people who are not  following suit. It won’t be offensive if it comes from another guest who is not a member of the wedding party. Make sure it is someone who can keep it light and not come off as the ‘cell phone police’. Practice what he or she will say so that it does not turn into a confrontation. “By the way – did you see that James and Carol asked everyone to turn off their phones?”  No drama, no arguing, no problem, right? It is better to designate someone to do this than to have one of your (probably older) relatives give them the evil eye at some point.

Print –Some couples have printed signs on display at the entrance of the church or hall, at each table and in various places where there is high visibility. If you choose to do this, make sure it is tastefully worded and pleasing to the eye.

If you decide to unplug your wedding, don’t despair if you get some feedback. It isn’t as if you are confiscating cell phones at the door and not allowing outside contact with the world. understandably some people with small children or sick relatives or even urgent personal business will have their phone with them and have them turned on. They will merely have to put their phone on vibrate or silent mode and step outside to have a conversation if the situation arises.

One of the best things about your wedding is that it is your wedding. The choices you make reflect who you are as a person; stick to your guns,  be respectful and move on.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Invited To A Wedding? Read This First.

Etiquette is one of those elusive things that seem to escape some people, one of those things you don’t really think about until  you’re in the “10 items or less” line behind someone with a full cart of groceries, or you are waiting (patiently) behind someone who is talking on their cell phone during a really short left arrow green light, or when someone is talking really loud in a movie. It isn’t until a social event like a wedding or funeral, where things are quiet and you have time to reflect, that these infractions of common manners become so imposing.

Cell Phones are the worst culprit in modern times. Texting, talking and (God forbid) playing games on your phone during a wedding is rude, don’t do it. Unless you are expecting an urgent call, you don’t even need your cell phone during the wedding…. leave it in the car. If you do need your cell phone with you, turn the ringer off and carry it in your pocket, when the urgent call comes through excuse yourself and go outside where you can converse without interrupting  everything. There is nothing more annoying than trying to carry on a conversation or eat dinner with someone who is glued to their cell phone.

Chewing Gum  is another no – no. Altoids, Tic-Tacs, Mentos work very well for a case of stale breath. Chewing gum in church ( or other place of worship), in the receiving line, giving a toast or dancing is tacky.  The worst part is when people forget they are chewing gum and it shows up in a picture…. YIKES!

Dressing appropriately is hard for some people so, this is a tricky one. I sat behind a man in a hoodie at a funeral this week and couldn’t stop staring at his bright red fleece garment the entire time, thinking to myself,  “Is that all you’ve got?” It was distracting to say the least. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, it is likely that he may have slipped out of work to be at this somber event and I know deep down that he had a really good reason for being inappropriately dressed. You don’t have to wear a pricey designer suits or gowns to be well-dressed. Too much cleavage, not enough skirt, anything denim are all good indicators that you need a wardrobe intervention. If you are unsure about what to wear, take a closer look at the invitation and it should tell you everything you need to know, if you are still stuck, call a wedding professional like a photographer or florist who has been to dozens of these events and they will be able to guide you.

Gossip is also a touchy subject. Asking questions about the cost of the gown, reception, gifts or anything wedding related is tacky, speculating on whether or not the marriage will last is morbid, and the most glaring offense of all is wondering (out loud) if the bride is pregnant. Unless the couple has announced that they are expecting, leave that commentary for another time. Basically, you are there to lend your support, not to openly critique every detail of the wedding. Save that for late , or not at all.

Let’s face it – you can’t legislate good manners. You can’t expect everyone to behave, dress, speak or act properly at all times. All you can do is lead by example and cross your fingers that they all follow your lead. By the time a person is an adult, they should know these few common rules of etiquette and if they don’t – there is nothing you can do to help them. Your best bet when faced with these offenses is to smile and politely excuse yourself from the situation. You will laugh about it later…. or not.

 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Good Manners For Guests

If the number one etiquette faux pas on the part of brides and grooms is being late to the ceremony, what do you suppose the number one offense is for guests? If you guessed being late, you are correct.Walking into the church or ceremony site during the ceremony itself is not only a no-no, it is disruptive. If you cannot arrive on time, wait until after the ceremony is over to enter.

Other serious infractions of good manners include:

Inappropriate Attire – Showing too much skin is in poor taste as well as not following the dress code, if one is stated on the invitation. If the bride is not dressed like a stripper – you shouldn’t be, either. If the invitation says black tie – don’t wear jeans.

Drinking – Overindulging in alcohol at the reception to the point of being out of control is unacceptable. Pace yourself.

Unplug– Texting, answering phone calls or checking your schedules on your phone during the ceremony or reception is a huge no-no. Turn your phone to vibrate or silent, especially during the ceremony. If the babysitter calls, let it go to voice mail and then step outside to call back. 

RSVP– Not sending the Reply card back and then showing up with your entire family is a guarantee that you will be welcomed with a surprised look and quite possibly not have a place to sit. If you receive a reply card with pre-paid postage, send it back and try to do it on time so the hosts have enough food and seats for everyone.

Being a good guest is easy: send in the reply card, show up on time, turn off your phone and limit your drinking. You and your host will have great memories if you obey just these few simple rules of etiquette.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago.

 

 

 

 

The Most Common Wedding Etiquette Mistakes

The purpose of good manners is to make other people feel comfortable. For centuries, manners have been dictated by society’s standards of conduct and this has worked out pretty well. Unfortunately some people never got the memo. In order for your wedding guests to feel comfortable, try to avoid these ‘most common etiquette mistakes’.

 1) Watch – I know that being late to your own wedding may seem inconceivable but, sometimes outside forces take over and you can’t control them. However, there should always be a plan in place to avoid being late. If something unforeseen occurs, make sure you are in contact with someone at the ceremony site to make an announcement at the time the wedding is supposed to start and give updates until you arrive. Being late for no other reason than you can’t keep track of time is rude in any situation, especially your wedding.

2) Save the Date – Sending someone a “Save the Date” card means they are also invited to the wedding. Both lists should be in sync. If you make a mistake and send someone a Save the Date and do not invite them, call them once you find out you have erred and apologize. If you send them an invite but had somehow omitted them from the Save the Date list, a call would be nice. In reality, Save the Date cards are a relatively recent custom so there is nothing that says you have to send them. Although nice, they are  not completely necessary so dont fret if you choose not to send them.

3) Invitations – Send the invitations 6- 8 weeks before the wedding. Sending the invitation two weeks before the wedding is rude and it makes the guest think they were an afterthought. If the invitation you sent came back to you for any reason, call the invited guest and explain to them what happened.

4) Church – Having a boombox instead of live music (strings or organist) is a huge mistake. This small expense will ‘class up’ your affair by leaps and bounds. Having boxed music at the ceremony seems a bit tacky, no?

5) Thanks – Sending Thank You Notes in a timely manner shows that you care. It shows that you are aware of your guest’s gift and you appreciate it. Waiting for nearly a year (or more)  to send out a Thank You Note is completely inconsiderate.

6) Gifts – Never list where you are registered in the invitation. You can put this information on your website if you have one but listing on the invitations is like saying “Come to my wedding and bring a gift.”

7) Flow – Make sure you have a qualified, trained and experienced DJ to keep things running smoothly during the reception. The last thing you need is to have  people introduced incorrectly or, even worse, not at all. The DJ  should have a script to work from and be well-versed on your specific wedding customs as well. A great DJ will almost certainly ensure a great reception.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your guests is to ‘forecast’ problems and plan ahead. A good wedding planner and a checklist will help. If all else fails, pick up the phone and ask for help… or forgiveness, whichever you feel is in order.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

Dressing Up Isn’t So Hard To Do

I know it’s hard to believe but, people used to actually get dressed up….all the time. Men never left the house without a hat (not a baseball hat) and women always wore stockings and heels. Of course with that dress code came a plethora of problems like hat hair and girdles.

Today, it seems, people have trouble knowing how to dress to even go to the grocery store.  I see more flip-flops than I can count in the summer months. I see high school and college children wearing pajama pants to school and generally speaking – females are the worst offenders. Maybe it’s just me – but I have no interest in seeing anyone’s bra, underwear or jammies.

So in this day of casual wear how do you tell your wedding guests that jeans are not acceptable (even with a dinner jacket for men) and that you fully expect them to dress appropriately? It is not that hard, actually. The place to let your guests know what is expected of them is in the invitation. The following terms are perefectly acceptable on the invitation:

“Beach Attire”– If you are having a destination wedding on the beach, your female guests should wear a sundress, casual separates (cruise wear) and they CAN wear dressier flip flops or sandals. The beach is no place for stilettos. Men can get away with a nice shirt, maybe Tommy Bahama or a stylish DaVinci bowling shirt (think Charlie Sheen) with summer pants. I would still advise against jeans, it ruins the look of the super-cool shirt.

“Casual Weding Attire”is not jeans, flips flips, or tank tops. Think if it as a a job interview only with better accessories. A nice skirt and blouse with heels. Hosiery is optional in summer months but, wear a bra if you need one. No one needs to see your jiggly parts moving around on the dance floor. Whatever you do – don’t forget to check for VPL – visible panty lines. No need to break out the rhinestones and glitter, that’s equally inappropriate. Men can expect to wear nice slacks and a dressier button down or polo shirt with a sport coat – tie not necessary.

“Informal Wedding Attire” is a step up from casual. A nicer dress, made of nicer fabric – something you would wear to a college graduation or to meet the first lady. Think of the outfit Michelle Obama wore when she met the Qeen of England. Floor length is out. Men should wear a suit but still no need to wear a tie if the shirt is nice enough. For a preppy look try a navy blazer with Khaki pants and a pastel Foulard tie. Foulard is a woven fabric with a small, symmetrical print.

“Formal Wedding Attire” is dressy, what you would wear to the opera or a State Dinner. Cocktails dresses, long dresses and dressy evening separates. As always don’t forget to have the right undergarments. Men should wear a dark suit and tie, tuxedo not necessary.

“Black Tie” or Ultra Formal is defined as cocktail or long dresses for women and tuxedos for men. Break out the fine jewelry, sparkly accessories and beaded purse. Men do not have to wear a bow tie as long as they have a tuxedo or a fine suit with contrasting fabric on the lapels. Dress like you are headed for the red carpet at the Academy Awards.

If your guests do not have the good sense  to know the definition of Casual Wedding attire, how do enforce the dress code? That is entirely up to you. You could either have security to make sure everyone is  up to par and those who aren’t are turned away or you let it go and tell the photographer not to take photos of anyone dressed inappropriately. If you have a website, this would be a good place to further explain your expectations to your guests.

Lets face it – you can’t legislate good taste. With any luck at all, you could have someone dressed so oddly that it will entertain you for years to come. 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Wedding Faux Pas

Etiquette is one of the most complicated topics of discussion regarding weddings. Who should be seated at the head table, how to address the envelopes, how do you handle wording on the invitations regarding divorced parents and who pays for what, to mention a few. Basically it is a mine field of dos and don’ts, rights and wrongs and one mis-step could put you in hot water with almost anyone. It is exhausting, to say the least.

Manners are the unenforced standards of conduct in polite society. The real purpose of manners is  to make other people feel comfortable, not to alienate or subject them to your own standards.  There are some  basic tenets that hold society together such as ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’, other than that  the essence of good manners is to remember that what you think is the truth is actually only your opinion.

Luckily most wedding professionals will help guide you through the planning process gracefully so you can avoid most of the major lapses in etiquette. Invitation specialists will help you decide on wording, the DJ will help you with introducing the wedding party and selecting music, the caterer will help you figure out the details of dinner. Beware, though, there are still pitfalls. Of course you could buy a book on wedding etiquette or surf the net with your specific topics. But, for every person who writes a book or a column or a blog, remember that the ‘etiquette’ guide is just a guide. It is merely the opinion of the author and not the Constitution and if you search long enough you will find someone who agrees with your opinion, whether it is right or wrong.  Common sense should prevail and if you have any doubt that something is in poor taste, it probably is. If you don’t know the definition of poor taste, then it won’t matter anyway.

Keeping all of that in mind, I have composed my list of the worst wedding faux pas.  See if you agree.

Asking for money outright.Whether it is in the invitation, on your website or by mouth, asking for money is a no-no. You should sign up for at least one registry and there are tons of creative ones like the FHA mortgage registry or Home Depot.  Worst offender – Passing around a bag, box or any sort of container  at the wedding or reception like a collection plate at church. This has actually happened. Ghastly! Money Trees are also a thing of the past and  vulgar. Keep it confidential, please… no one wants to see your cash.

Turning the ceremony into a talent show. The bride and groom do not need to sing during the ceremony.  Celine Dion did not sing at her wedding so you don’t need to, either. This is not the time to prove to the world that the bride has the chops for Ave  Maria.

Late Start. Starting the ceremony more than 15 minutes late is bad, starting it over an hour late is unconscionable. After ten minutes an announcement should be made regarding the late-ness of the ceremony, explaining to the waiting guests why the ceremony is held up. Traffic, medical issue   are good reasons, oversleeping is not. If your fiance oversleeps on your wedding day and is more than one hour late to the ceremony, you should take a pass.

Dragging Ceremony.  The average ceremony in America lasts about 30 minutes, the longest I have attended was a little over an hour. Long enough that by the end of it I had made a mental list of things I needed to do when I got home and wondering if I turned off the stove. If your vows take more than an hour, the groomsmen will be kissing marble before the bride has a chance to pucker up. If the ceremony lasts more than two hours, you need to have your head examined.

Bad Toasts – Where do I begin? If the toast embarasses anyone, ridicules anyone, mentions sex in any way or the cost of the wedding, have it edited out of your wedding video. For your entertainment there is a website dedicated to bad wedding toasts.

Drunk Bride or Groom – The #1 thing you can do at your wedding to show your guests you have absolutely no clue about manners, etiquette or good taste is to get drunk at the reception. If you slur a few words, no problem… just take a break from champagne and drink some water. If you vomit, curse or wind up in jail you are out of control.

Fortunately there are those of us who embrace live comedy. We love the big and little faux pas in life and see them as entertainment. We tell and re-tell the stories of the tacky, extreme and ridiculous as if it were yesterday, and we love the awful as much as the elegant. So, if you are one of those people who cannot resist wearing a size 12 shoe in your size 8 mouth – don’t despair! We support you. For without you we would have no idea of what not to do.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago