Tag Archives: mother-in-law

Finding A Dress For Mom… Definitely Harder Than You Think!

Posted on by

 I have learned a lot in my life. But, there is one question that I have yet to find the answer:  Why is it so hard for women over 50  to find just the right dress for a special event – ?  
First of all,  most  are not 100% comfortable with their bodies anymore and hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else.

Secondly, there is a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they reach senior ‘citizenship’. Hardly fair, is it?

 Here are a few things to consider before you buy anything to wear to  your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you hear, read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 3″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren or Jane Fonda!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Jane Fonda - The Red Carpet at the Cannes Film Fest

Mother’s Day Merriment

Posted on by

If you are counting, there are only 364 days left until Mothers Day. Mothers Day is a time for reflection, a time to celebrate the role your mother has played in your life,  a time for celebration. Its also a perfect time to look at the mother’s role on your wedding day.

The mother of the bride is the second most stressed and scrutinized woman of the day. A great mom shoulders the responsibility of not only making sure that her daughter’s needs are fulfilled but also making sure that every single detail is executed with medical precision without being a ‘stage mother’. She has to be in the spotlight and yet invisible. Very tough. Remember – it’s always the mom’s fault, and she knows it. “Your daughter’s wedding was __________ (insert good or bad comment here)” will either haunt or comfort  her for the rest of her life.

The mother of the groom has an equally tough job considering the ramifications of being too involved versus being apathetic. The groom’s mother is supposed to also be supportive, invisible and never, never, never undermine the bride.She  DOES NOT offer too much advice or ask too many questions or even attempt to change one single detail of the wedding without her future daughter-in-law’s expressed premission. That’s  a tightrope I am not looking forward to walking!

A Mother’s checklist: ( mother of bride OR groom)

-Offer to pay for whatever you can

-Always let the mother of the bride select her gown first. ALWAYS.

-Always let the bride make the decisions. This is not your wedding!

-Be available for fittings, tastings or samplings of any kind.

-Don’t get offended if you aren’t asked to do something.

-Never criticize the bride to the groom (especially if he is your son).

-Communication is critical.

-Be open to new possiblities, maybe their way is the best way!

-Remember that this is not your wedding.

-Always be supportive, be ready to handle the tears and drama.

– Know when to back off.

Most importantly, as a mother you have to understand that this is the beginning of letting go. If handled properly, you will gain more than you could ever imagine. If it things ever get heated, ask yourself which would you rather have, a few minutes of “Me Time”  or a lifetime of being loved?

Happy Mother’s Day to all!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

Remembering Loved Ones At Your Wedding

Posted on by

The date is set, the hall is booked, you have every detail of your wedding meticulously planned and you couldn’t be more excited for your wedding day to arrive. The only problem is that someone you loved is no longer here to share it with you. Whether it is wedding gown shopping with your mother or missing out on dancing with your father, there is an empty spot at your wedding and nothing or no one can fill that void. Instead of glossing it over, or trying to forget about how it would have ( should have) been, focus on including your dearly departed loved ones in the ceremony and reception in a way that keeps them close to your heart. There are a dozens of ways to remember your loved ones on this special day without turning a celebration into a maudlin occasion, here some of our favorites.

Have an empty chair where this person would have been seated and place a rose on the chair to signify their importance.

Wear something that the loved one wore on their wedding day or use portions of it creatively, like sewing a portion of your father’s favorite tie sewn into a garter or handkerchief.

Include lighting  a candle for that person into your ceremony. Don’t forget to include the details in the wedding program so everyone knows what is going on.

Include a framed photo of your loved one on the table by the guest book.

Mention them in your wedding toast. Raising a glass to someone is sometimes the most appropriate form of remembrance but, keep it short.

Use one of their favorite songs as your first dance or another significant moment in the day.

Whether you lost your loved one a month or many years ago, they are always missed especially during these special times. The best way to honor them is by adding touches to your wedding that celebrates the special times they shared with you. In other words, make it personal.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

How Many Bridesmaids?

Posted on by

The average number of attendants has risen over the last few years from 3 to 6 since 2000. Six bridesmaids is a lot to manage. Statistically you will probably have at least one who is married, one who is pregnant, one who is difficult, one who is broke, and one who has issues. In addition to planning the wedding you will also have to keep a watchful eye on bridesmaid gown orders, shoes and  and at the very least be aware of the fittings, etc when the gowns arrive. You will have to be sensitive to each of them and at certain times flexible so keep that in mind when it seems like a good idea to have 8 bridesmaids. Ask yourself, “Do I have the patience to handle this?”

The most important thing you can do if you are having several attendants is to have a very reliable maid of honor. She will need to oversee all of the scheduling and act as a buffer between you and the difficult one, anyway. Without her, you will be drowning in drama. Have a heart to heart talk and tell her that you need her to keep things in check, remind her that you are counting on her to help things go smoothly. If she flinches, you need to pick someone else.

Myth: You can’t have an odd number of bridesmaids.

Fact: You can have any odd or even number including the (unlucky) 13.

Myth: There has to be an usher for every bridesmaid

Fact: Grown women are perfectly capable of walking up and down the aisle solo. In fact you can have one usher escort two bridesmaids if necessary.

Myth: There should be  one bridesmaid for every 50-60 guests.

Fact: You can have a many or as few as you like. The record? Jill Stapleton of Ohio had 110 bridesmaids at her wedding in June 2010. To be fair, you should not have more attendants than guests.

No matter how many bridesmaids you choose, make sure they are all on board with the planning, the spending and the entire affair. The last thing you need is to be worrying about everyone else’s problems.

 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Our (Lack of) Wedding Party : wedding bridesmaid groomsman tallahassee Vintage034 vintage034

The Name Game: Addressing Your In-Laws

Posted on by

This dilemma is as old as relationships; how do you address your in-laws? This is a delicate maneuver where there is no clear right or wrong. The only thing right or wrong is how you handle it.

First and foremost, the entire situation needs to be handled both directly and quickly. As a newcomer, your first task is to ask them how they would prefer to be addressed. Just as it was odd, at first, to refer to yourself ‘engaged’ or ‘married’  it became the norm and you got used to it. Beware: once you begin calling your partner’s parents “Mom & Dad” you may find yourself becoming closer to them emotionally and treating them just like (dare I say) family.

Second there is your comfort level. This will be based on several things including your relationship with your own family and the relationship you have with your partner’s parents. If you are not very close to your in-laws, calling them “Mom and Dad” may feel like you are trying too hard. Don’t force it if you don’t feel it. Let’s face it – some parents are more nurturing than others.

There is also respect involved. To be respectful you should always address them as “Mr. & Mrs.” until after the wedding unless they have requested otherwise. It may make them very resentful if you call them by their first name without any prior conversation. This is especially true with mothers, you know how we are.

Parents who don’t want to age are big problem, too. They still live in their glory days, dress too young, whatever. The problem is that they don’t think they are old enough to be the parent of an adult and really think other people feel the same. Most of the time they are wrong but, fighting this battle is not worth the time. Call them by their first name or whatever they ask you to… it’s much easier.

No take-backs. If you begin calling your in-laws “Mom & Dad” early on and then have spat and casually refer to one of them by their first name this could drive a wedge between you. It will break a bond that may take years to repair. They are family – argue as much as you like but, keep it respectful.

The first time I ever met my father-in-law he asked to me to call him “Daddy”. Okay. Except I was 38, already married and 4 months pregnant with his first grandchild. I guess I was reticent because he was not a big part of my husband’s life at that point in time. My mother-in-law was as close in age to me in one direction as my husband was in the other so calling her ‘Mom’ seemed insulting. She was 9 years older than me, my husband is 9 years younger….. awkward.

In modern times there are more situations like mine, where blended or divorced families have close, semi-close or distant relationships. Odd age differences, step-parents, etc.  What matters is that you both agree on how you address the issue. As a couple, you have to stand together and remember the only rule is that there are are no rules. Of course once children are involved everything changes.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago