Every couple of weeks I hear a ‘Thank You Note’  story. From people who sent gifts to couples and never received an acknowledgement to those who didn’t receive one in time to the ones who are offended when asked to address their own envelopes at a shower. Thank You Notes can be a quagmire of  right and wrong, do and don’t, good and bad and sometimes people get enraged for no reason. I have family member who has never sent one thank you note ever. Not for weddings, Holidays, Birthdays- NEVER! One time I called to ask if the gift was received since it was dropped off by someone else while I was unable to attend and the answer was interesting: ” I don’t know – we haven’t gone through them yet”.  Keep in mind this was several weeks after the event and do you know what I did? I just let it go. After that, I stopped worrying about it altogether. It appears as though the problem was me the whole time. She did not do things the way I did and it aggravated me. When I finally let go, things were just fine. Do not impose your standards on everyone else but, do your best to be polite and always let people know you appreciate their gift.

To me, sending a Thank You note is about the easiest thing to do. It is also just about the most overlooked part of wedding planning and frankly I really don’t understand all the fuss. Here is the basic rule: Someone sends you a gift, you send them a  thank you note. The note serves to acknowledge the receipt of the gift and then to thank the sender for their generosity. It lets them know you got the gift, not whether or noti t was your heart’s desire.

BASIC RULES OF THANK YOU NOTES

1) When you order your invitations, order  Thank You Notes and envelopes. For the events preceding the wedding (showers, parties, etc), buy thank you notes that are to your liking. You can always go to a stationery store and pick up more for these events- they don’t need to match. Your stationery specialist will have tons of options and help available for you when it comes to thank you notes.

2) When you pick up stamps for the invitations, pick up additional stamps for the thank you notes.

3) When you make your invitation list, keep a space  to check off when you send a Thank You note. Even the most basic wedding planners have a space for this. 

4) After each event, shower, bachelorette party etc. send a Thank you note to each person who gave you a gift and to the host/ hostess. 

5) After the wedding or after the honeymoon, start addressing and sending thank you notes. Technically you have up to one year after the wedding but, why wait? You may be busier than you think so as soon as you return from your honeymoon (changing diapers in my case) so just sit down together as a couple and do this. You will send a note for even the smallest gift and even for  the ones you don’t like… it goes like this “Thank you for your generous gift” . You don’t have to say anything else.

6) The notes don’t have to be hand written, they can be printed with a standard message or you can print them on the computer. But, they should be signed … in ink, by hand. If you receive the gift at an event prior to the wedding, sign your name only. If it is a wedding gift, sign your name as a couple.

7) Don’t forget to send thank you notes to your parents and siblings. It may seem like overkill but, everyone loves being acknowledged. And everyone should be acknowledged.

8) It never hurts to send a thank you note  to vendors who went above and beyond to make your day special. Even though you have paid the them, they will still enjoy hearing how much you appreciated their work. Most people never hesitate to complain but rarely send accolades.

9) Never mention anything about returning a gift. Never mention you don’t like a gift. Never mention if you think the gift was cheap or stupid or unwanted or something you would never use in a lifetime. Send a simple note and then sell it on ebay or give it to someone else….just be careful when re-gifting as it can come back to bite you if not done carefully.

10) Men should send thank you notes, too. Pick up a few masculine notes for the groom to send to his best man for the bachelor party and anyone else who presented him with a gift prior to your wedding.

 If someone asks you to address your own thank you note – do it. If someone asks you to write your own thank you note – laugh  (to yourself) and do it. If you have not received a thank you note for a gift you sent,  it is not rude to ask if they received the gift, maybe they didn’t. If someone calls you and asks if you got a gift they sent because they never received a thank you note, don’t be offended – maybe it was lost in the mail.

That wasn’t so hard, was it?

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago