The Ladies’ Priviledge – Leap Day Proposals

As an adult, I have a fairly good grasp of leap year.  Every four years we add a year to our calendar so that the days will be in sync with the seasons. There is also a lot of math involved;  every four years, a day is added to February except the one the 100th year unless it is the 400th year and then it is celebrated. As a kid, I never got it. I just thought it was like any other holiday and didn’t really pay too much attention. I’m not sure where I got the idea it was a holiday…  maybe because it was the ’70’s and  bra burning was popular so, I thought it had something to do with women’s rights. Which brings me to the history of Leap Day and marriage proposals.

The tradition of a woman proposing on a leap year has been attributed to various historical figures. One, although much disputed, was St Bridget in the 5th Century. She is said to have complained to St. Patrick that women had to wait too long for their suitors to propose. St Patrick then supposedly gave women a single day in a leap year to pop the question – the last day of the shortest month. Another popular story is that Queen Margaret of Scotland brought in a law setting fines for men who turned down marriage proposals put by women on a leap year. Skeptics have pointed out that Margaret was five years old at the time and living far away in Norway. I don’t know about you but I had other things on my mind when I was five other than the injustice of rejected marriage proposals. Any way you look at it, it is an old Irish tradition.

In the past years Leap Day proposals have lost their meaning since women have more rights, the more jobs, the more pay ( almost) and are able to think and act for themselves. We are taught that any woman sitting around for four years waiting for a man to propose should have her head examined.

Zsa Zsa Gabor has claimed that she proposed to all of her nine husbands. The first proposal was when she was only 15 years old, to her 35-year-old boyfriend (weird). It was Gabor’s parents who provided a ten carat diamond to seal the deal for their daughter. More recently, celebrities such as Halle Berry, Jennifer Hudson, Heather Mills, and the singer Pink have admitted to proposing to their husbands… and not one of them on Leap Day which makes it crystal clear that women no longer need a special ‘holiday’ every four years to celebrate gender role-reversal. Score one for women’s rights!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Ideas in Bloom – Wedding Flowers made easy

 Flowers are one of the most important aspects of a wedding. In fact, aside from the bride and groom they are just about the most photographed item of the entire event. They add color, vitality, and aroma to a wedding. To make the impact you desire, you need to make some smart choices early on but, before you even consider talking to a florist, book your venue so the florist knows what they are dealing with and help you make well-informed decisions.

#1 – Decide on a budget. It has been said over and over and over but, I’ll say it again: Choosing flowers that are in season during your wedding could save you literally hundreds of dollars.  When you plan your budget, keep this in mind.

#2- Do your background work. Ask to see photos, ask for references, ask if you can drop by one of their events so you can see firsthand what kind of work your florist is capable of handling.

#3- Trust your florist.  Once you have selected  your florist and  assuming you are not a trained florist  yourself,  use their expertise to help guide you through critical decisions. If you insist on something the florist opposes – there may be a solid reason.

#4- DIY is a big mistake. Many brides think they can go to a flower shop and put together professional bouquets and centerpieces from scratch. This is a big NO-NO! You will have a hundred things to think and worry about before and on your big day, don’t make this mistake. And by the way,  even if your favorite Aunt insists she does great table decor for the holidays doesn’t mean she can handle a task of this magnitude. Hire a professionally trained wedding florist!

#5 – Think Big. Huge blasts of color are a beautiful thing – just make sure it doesn’t clash with the decor of the venue or the table linens or the attendants’ gowns. Remember to keep the larger picture in mind : “How will the overall room look  in pictures?”

#6 – Don’t overdo it with the aroma. Its okay to use the strong smelling flowers for bouquets but, for the church and reception  it is best to use flowers that do not give off a strong smell. This will certainly prevent any of guests who are allergy sufferers to opt out of the reception early. The only exception is an outdoor venue.

#7 -Communicate. Always keep an open dialogue with your florist. Every single problem or question should be answered up front. Get everything in writing and make sure you know what you are paying for before you sign on the dotted line.

Call 847-428-3320 or log on to www.bridalshowexpo.comtoday to get tickets to our next show where you can meet some of Chicago’s best wedding florists and see their work first-hand!

– Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Personalizing Your Wedding Invitations

Wedding invitations have evolved into something so personal and unique that you can actually get a feel for the wedding itself just by seeing (and touching) the invitation. Whether you choose parchment, custom engraving or print the invitations yourself, there are dozens of things you can do to spice up the first impression your guests will get of your wedding.

Photos – Consider incorporating your engagement photo into the invitation to make an impact.

Verses – Using your own words, maybe some sort of prose, will add an artistic flair.

Incorporate – Use touches of your culture with color and font.

Sparkle – A little sparkle never hurt anyone, right? A touch of glitter, a rhinestone or iridescent ink is very exciting.

Do not add confetti – no one likes opening an envelope with confetti in it.

Address – Consider calligraphy instead of printed address labels, it really makes an impact.

Stamps – Using a stamp with a specific theme is a nice idea. Take it a step further by using  custom photo stamps for all of your wedding postage.

Postage –  Making sure you have the correct postage will save a ton of headaches. Can you  imagine having 150 invitations returned?

The most important thing to keep in mind when selecting your wedding invitations is that you don’t forget your personal style. Keep the event and location in mind and let that dictate the style of the paper, ink, font and wording.  With literally hundreds of choices, it can get very confusing but, don’t despair – there is a style out there just right for you. 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

Reply Card Roulette

 Unlike some future grooms, my husband helped with a lot of the wedding planning. He picked the menu, the cake, the venue and he singelhandedly documented receipt of the reply cards. Every day he hurried to he mailbox to collect the replies and took great delight in making the necessary notations on the master list. I could tell when the cards began to dwindle because he started to walk a little slower to the mailbox. For us, the reply cards were an exhilarating experience, and eventually an exhausting one, since not everyone replied in a timely manner, replied appropriately or replied at all. Believe it or not, the reply card is fraught with  places for guests to make errors and faux pas and for some reason, this is where guests make the majority of blunders. Your part is simple: You address the invitation to the person(s) you are inviting and make sure that you have a place on the reply card for the number of invited guests. So, what do you do when it all goes awry despite your best plans and intentions?

-When you sent a reply card that is obviously intended for the invited guest +1 and the invited guest returns the card, adding +2 or more without having previously discussed this with you, including adding their own children without your approval or acceptance of the idea, it is time to pick up the phone. Simply tell the guest that their invitation is intended for them and one guest only and leave it at that. There are exceptions but, those exceptions are totally up to you. What if they show up with the +2 or more, anyway…? You have to be prepared how to handle this, just in case.

-When you have received no reply card and it’s one week before the wedding? Time to pick up the phone and make a call to this guest and ask if they will be attending. Be specific about the reason you are calling; so you can ensure all of your guests have a place to sit and a proper meal.

As for those who reply, “YES” and then don’t show, there must be a very good reason. Of course you don’t expect  someone with a serious illness or broken leg to jump out of a hospital bed to attend your wedding but, wait until after the wedding to then call and see if they are doing better. Don’t wait for them to call you, they won’t.  They will probably feel you are too busy to talk and will wait for action on your part. This is not a snub or lack of concern, and this is one of those tiny little things that can ruin a lifelong friendship. Pick up the phone, call and see what happened. You are the only person who can decide if their reason for being a no-show was adequate.

-What if the reply is “NO” and they show up anyway? This is tricky. Speak to someone at the venue and see if there is a place they can be seated (there is usually some wiggle room) Of course they won’t have an assigned table or a place card or a favor but, they will be able to sit and that is all that matters. If there really is no room, you will have to be the one to deliver the news as gently as possible. I know firsthand how difficult this can be, I actually had a couple show up after having replied “NO” and there were no additional seats available anywhere in the room. Our solution was to ask them to sit at the bar and we paid  ‘a la carte’ for two additional meals. Tricky but not unmanageable.

There may be no single solution that works for everyone but, planning ahead will avoid hurt feelings and possible blowups. Consider posting information regarding seating on your wedding website if you have one, emailing people who you think may be having trouble with the reply card concept and possibly having specific instructions printed on the reply card. Some couples have resorted to adding “We have reserved ___ seats for you”  (or similar text) to the reply card. In my opinion, keep it simple and limit the possiblities of error. Although going above and beyond is a nice gesture,  I doubt if some people will even notice.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

Quality vs. Quantity – Small, Sumptuous Weddings

Last week we unveiled one of the wedding trends that began developing in 2011 and will most likely continue into 2012 is downsizing. Many couples (not just those with budget restrictions)  are opting for smaller, more intimate gatheringe where their dollars are spent on quality vs. quantity; having  a luxurious, lavish affair for 75 people rather than a 350 person sit down dinner.  The problem is, where do you draw the line?

How to keep your small affair a small affair:

1) Make your guest ‘wish’ list and decide on the exact cut off number. This list is the closest people in your life, the people you cannot live without.  Decide immediately if you will be able to allow  single guests to bring a date or  parents to bring their children, stick to your guns and be prepared to have to defend this decision.

2) From the beginning, tell anyone who asks that you are planning a small, intimate gathering. This will prevent most from asking if they are invited. Be polite and tell them honestly, ” Jason and I have decided to have a smaller wedding and we will only be inviting family and our closest friends.” Of course, this means you should not be constantly talking about wedding plans to co-workers who are uninvited, save the juicy details for the maid of honor or your sibling. 

3) Be prepared to get some flak. Some people will a) not think this is a great idea and b) be offended they are not invited. This is your celebration, it is your choice to handle it as you see fit. Whatever reason they give you for their dissenting opinion –  ignore them.

4)  As soon as you have whittled the guest list to the desired number, find and book your location.  Once you have secured your location, everything will begin to fall in place and any negative feedback will be drowned out by the beauty of what you can accomplish for the same amount of money.

5) Keep the wedding party small. There is no hard and fast rule for this but, if the guest total is 75, stay with one or two attendants. Kate Middleton had only one bridesmaid and her wedding was enormous, keep that in mind.

The benefits of a smaller wedding are many; you can spend more money on things that really matter to you like an exclusive location,  maginficent meal, extraordinary flowers, glamorous gown, elaborate invitations,  A-list photographer and a sumptuous sweet table. In the end it truly is a matter of quality versus quantity.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Manners For Guests

If the number one etiquette faux pas on the part of brides and grooms is being late to the ceremony, what do you suppose the number one offense is for guests? If you guessed being late, you are correct.Walking into the church or ceremony site during the ceremony itself is not only a no-no, it is disruptive. If you cannot arrive on time, wait until after the ceremony is over to enter.

Other serious infractions of good manners include:

Inappropriate Attire – Showing too much skin is in poor taste as well as not following the dress code, if one is stated on the invitation. If the bride is not dressed like a stripper – you shouldn’t be, either. If the invitation says black tie – don’t wear jeans.

Drinking – Overindulging in alcohol at the reception to the point of being out of control is unacceptable. Pace yourself.

Unplug– Texting, answering phone calls or checking your schedules on your phone during the ceremony or reception is a huge no-no. Turn your phone to vibrate or silent, especially during the ceremony. If the babysitter calls, let it go to voice mail and then step outside to call back. 

RSVP– Not sending the Reply card back and then showing up with your entire family is a guarantee that you will be welcomed with a surprised look and quite possibly not have a place to sit. If you receive a reply card with pre-paid postage, send it back and try to do it on time so the hosts have enough food and seats for everyone.

Being a good guest is easy: send in the reply card, show up on time, turn off your phone and limit your drinking. You and your host will have great memories if you obey just these few simple rules of etiquette.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago.

 

 

 

 

The Most Common Wedding Etiquette Mistakes

The purpose of good manners is to make other people feel comfortable. For centuries, manners have been dictated by society’s standards of conduct and this has worked out pretty well. Unfortunately some people never got the memo. In order for your wedding guests to feel comfortable, try to avoid these ‘most common etiquette mistakes’.

 1) Watch – I know that being late to your own wedding may seem inconceivable but, sometimes outside forces take over and you can’t control them. However, there should always be a plan in place to avoid being late. If something unforeseen occurs, make sure you are in contact with someone at the ceremony site to make an announcement at the time the wedding is supposed to start and give updates until you arrive. Being late for no other reason than you can’t keep track of time is rude in any situation, especially your wedding.

2) Save the Date – Sending someone a “Save the Date” card means they are also invited to the wedding. Both lists should be in sync. If you make a mistake and send someone a Save the Date and do not invite them, call them once you find out you have erred and apologize. If you send them an invite but had somehow omitted them from the Save the Date list, a call would be nice. In reality, Save the Date cards are a relatively recent custom so there is nothing that says you have to send them. Although nice, they are  not completely necessary so dont fret if you choose not to send them.

3) Invitations – Send the invitations 6- 8 weeks before the wedding. Sending the invitation two weeks before the wedding is rude and it makes the guest think they were an afterthought. If the invitation you sent came back to you for any reason, call the invited guest and explain to them what happened.

4) Church – Having a boombox instead of live music (strings or organist) is a huge mistake. This small expense will ‘class up’ your affair by leaps and bounds. Having boxed music at the ceremony seems a bit tacky, no?

5) Thanks – Sending Thank You Notes in a timely manner shows that you care. It shows that you are aware of your guest’s gift and you appreciate it. Waiting for nearly a year (or more)  to send out a Thank You Note is completely inconsiderate.

6) Gifts – Never list where you are registered in the invitation. You can put this information on your website if you have one but listing on the invitations is like saying “Come to my wedding and bring a gift.”

7) Flow – Make sure you have a qualified, trained and experienced DJ to keep things running smoothly during the reception. The last thing you need is to have  people introduced incorrectly or, even worse, not at all. The DJ  should have a script to work from and be well-versed on your specific wedding customs as well. A great DJ will almost certainly ensure a great reception.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your guests is to ‘forecast’ problems and plan ahead. A good wedding planner and a checklist will help. If all else fails, pick up the phone and ask for help… or forgiveness, whichever you feel is in order.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

 

 

Kim’s Fairytale Wedding – The Party’s Over

There is always that moment after the wedding is over when you wish you could do the whole thing again. The dress, the party, the dancing and seeing all of your friends/family in one place – everything and everyone looking so wonderful. Then you start addressing the Thank You Notes and settling into married life and realize how much work went into the whole thing, thinking maybe you can wait until your 10th anniversary to plan another event of this magnitude. After about six months, when all of the excitement has died down all you want to do is have one nice quiet evening at home with no tasks or ‘to-do’ lists.

Then there are those cases when the wedding lasts longer than the marriage. Whether it is finances, place of residence, children, or infidelity, the realization that you married the wrong person has to be painful.  Yesterday’s announcement of Kim Kardashian’s probable divorce did not come as a shock to as many people as she would have suspected. While I would like to say that Kim Kardashian deserves some time to work this out in private, I can’t for several reasons:

-With all the debate over gay marriage – also known as civil unions or in my house, just plain “marriage”, I wonder why people can’t let this go. Another example of two heterosexual people who have all the rights afforded to them by the state and federal government (and the approval of conservative marriage activists) to marry whomever they want and have it televised to the tune of $18 million +, to stay married for 2 or 3 months and divorce for no reason, to marry multiple times to whomever for whatever reason and treat the process in a disposable manner…. yet two men or two women who are truly in love and have already shared more life experiences than most couples cannot legally ‘marry’ in their state. AND even when they are afforded the rights, they walk away with a certificate that says “Civil Union”. This is completely unjust and I feel a public explanation is due.

-When you are married in front of television cameras for ratings and profit, when the entire romance and proposal and engagement are televised for ratings and profit, when you live every moment of your life for ratings and profit, you should have to answer every single question from every single person who contributed to your ratings and profit.

– If you are able to turn a  self-indulgent lifestyle into a career, you should have enough sense to ask your future husband or wife a few simple questions: “Where will we live after we are married?” and “How will we support ourselves… will we both be working?” or “Where will we raise our children”.

In my opinion, Kim Kardashian should have to answer every question, return every gift and donate every dollar made  to a charity … one that fights for equal marriage rights for all. 

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

 

Halloween Weddings

Most adults don’t really get into Halloween as much as children. However, if you are one of those rare couples who really get into the spirit -Halloween is one of the most perfect times of year to get married. From the invitations to the decor, there are endless possibilities to get you and your guests in the Halloween Spirit. You can keep it low key and lighthearted or use this as the perfect opportunity to have a full costume ball.

GREAT Halloween Wedding Ideas:

Have your reception in a mansion or historical venue to take advantage of  the ‘haunted feeling.

Lighting can go a long way to create a spooky effect without being ridiculous.

Choose a bridal gown with black accents; belt, beads, headpice, etc for a Gothic look.

Bridesmaids gowns in deep fuschia or purple with black accessories will create the same effect as ‘Halloween’ Orange.

This would be the perfect time for the groom to wear tails. Very Phantom of the Opera.

Monogrammed, carved mini pumpkins as place card holders – complete with candle.

Dramatic centerpieces, maybe tall twigs that have crooked branches wrapped in lighting.

There are only a few mistakes you can make – the worst is making the entire event cheap with candy corn, spidery ghosts, trick drinking glasses or fake blood of any kind for any reason. Other than that, this is a spook-tacular time of the year to get married!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Wedding Expenses – Who Pays For What?

Many years ago it was completely understood that the bride’s family paid for the wedding. The groom’s family paid for the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon and everything else was up to the parents of the bride. Of course times change. Today’s couples are not only slightly older but, have usually lived alone or out of their parents home for an extended period of time. Nowadays, aside from how much you are going to spend on your wedding, the next biggest concern regarding your budget is who pays for what.

Before you start making the guest list, have an open honest conversation with all parents at the same time. Ask how much they are able or willing to contribute and then you can move on to figuring out how much you are able or willing to spend, keeping in mind that the average U.S. wedding cost hovers around $30,000.  Having an honest conversation will determine everything from where you have the wedding to what you will wear and avoid any unpleasantness related to the cost of the wedding.

In most cases, everybody has already had the discussion about finances leading up to the moment when the engagement ring arrives and they know full well how much they are going to contribute. In rare cases, nobody has any clue about their responsibilities. In order to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes, here is a slightly modified traditional checklist of ‘who pays for what’ and remember these are NOT rules, just guidelines.

Bride & Family:

  • Invitations, announcements, programs, Thank You notes, place cards, guest book and accessories.
  • Church or synagogue, musicians, organist,
  • Bridal Gown, veil, shoes, accessories and trousseau.
  • Flower arrangements for Church, Reception, Bridesmaid Bouquets and Huppah ( for Jewish ceremonies)
  • All professional services, including food, drink, decorations, and music.
  • Engagement Party and all related expenses.
  • All Photography and video.
  • Groom’s ring.
  • Wedding transportation to and from ceremony and reception.

Groom & Family:

  • Marriage License and officiant fees.
  • Groom’s outfit
  • Bride’s bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers.
  • Complete honeymoon.
  • Rehearsal dinner.
  • Bride’s ring.

Of course this is merely a guideline and anyone who is willing to help is encouraged to do so. The absolute best scenarios are when everyone works together and shares the expenses equally.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago