The Curious Case of Cold Feet

Yes, you heard right. Playmate Crystal Harris called off her wedding to Hugh Hefner this week.  I am sure Hef will have a plethora of Playmates consoling him over the course of time considering it must be hard to be super-wealthy and have that kind of influence in Hollywood and not have plenty of women willing to heal your broken heart. He’ll be fine. In fact he has cleverly turned the whole thing around and is probably laughing all the way to the bank. Personally, I don’t get it.

I am not a mean person. I wish Hef and Crystal all the best life has to offer and on a brigher note at least she wasn’t just a no-show! In fact, this is not your typical bride-groom relationship, anyway.  I am  not too concerned about how either of them will handle this since the publicity is giving them both a generous PR boost. However,  in cases of real-life brides and grooms left standing at the altar, I find myself a little jaded when it comes to last minute jitters and cold feet. How exactly do you go from being madly in love to not being sure if he or she is the one just  minutes before your wedding? How do you not know this was not the right person earlier? How do you not know that you have feelings for someone else (for instance)? And how does this all happen the day before or the day of  the wedding and not  months earlier? Hef’s reference to The Runaway Bride is not lost on me, I get it. I just don’t get it.

Unfortunately some men and women  want to be in love so badly or maybe they think they need to be married to be valid that  they jump into a serious commitment without giving it much thought. It has nothing to do with long engagements, either. There are plenty of stories chronicled in movies, books and headlines of couples with long engagements and then one party is a no-show at the wedding. Remember Jennifer Wilbanks who faked her own abduction so she wouldn’t have to take the plunge?  Seriously? There are not enough adjectives for me to express my feelings about this although ‘mentally unstable narcissist’ comes to mind.

For anyone left literally standing alone at the altar, what was supposed to be the best day of their life quickly turns into the worst. And then… life goes on. But, how do you handle the parties, the honeymoon, the gifts, the questions?

If either bride or groom is left literally standing at the altar, an announcement by a family member of the jilter (for lack of better word)should be made that no ceremony will take place. No explanation needs to be offered. It is up to the the families to decide whether or not to continue with the reception. Most say yes, even brides left standing in their wedding gown have been able to turn this nightmare into a celebration. The guests should all be instructed to keep their gifts and anything sent earlier should be returned. The honeymoon is paid for so why not let the jilted party  take some time off with a friend who can offer some moral support.

What do you say to someone who is left at the altar? “I am  sorry for what happened and if you need to talk, I am here”. DO NOT use this as your opportunity to bash the other person as it will almost always backfire. Keep your mouth shut and listen. If you have a million questions, ask them later. If you really want to help, just offer support and listen! In time they will realize this is for the best, they don’t need you to remind them. Right now there is fear, sadness and loss so bring a box of kleenex and two shoulders to cry on and leave all of your opinions at home.

Really good advice: If you have any doubts about your relationship – talk about it. How  many of these situations ould be avoided by just talking? If you cannot open up to the person you are about to marry… that is the real problem.  If your fiance seems distant and nervous – talk about it. If he or she says they are feeling anxious about being married – talk about it. If you are feeling anxious or nervous – TALK  ABOUT IT. Stop planning the wedding for a few minutes and have a conversation.

If this has ever happened to you, you have my condolences. As rigid as I am about wedding etiquette and protocol, I am also a very forgiving person and I know that time heals all wounds.

I also know that Karma is a female dog.