All Bridesmaid Gowns Are Not Created Equal

Interestingly, the strapless  trend  (you know, the one that has been lingering around bridal gowns a bit too long) has not had much affect on bridesmaid gowns. Bridesmaid gowns have gone from bad (in the 1970’s) to horrible (1980’s) and then slowly back to good. The early years of the last decade of the 20th century (1991 & 1992) seemed to bring us what we had been searching for… tasteful dresses that look good, made of nice fabrics that can be (dare I say?) worn again. It seemed to happen overnight, designers began producing bridesmaid gowns that were flattering and affordable and since then, bridesmaids everywhere breathed a collective sigh of relief.

That doesn’t solve all the problems since all women are not created equal, some are created ample and some gowns just don’t look good on everyone. So how do you decide on which gown for your nearest and dearest friends when you want them all to look good? When it comes to selecting bridesmaid gowns you only have a couple of choices:

All the same. Same color, same style no matter what.  Best friend is a size 4 and sister is a size 22? Same dress. You have your style laid out and this dress is perfect. You  can make it work. Best bet: Only look at gowns that come in a wide range of sizes and avoid anyting too exposing if you have a larger bridesmaid. 

Same Color, different dress. Give your bridesmaids a choice of which gown to choose as long as they are the same color. T his works well only when you limit the choices to those offered by the same company. Otherwise the color may vary and the fabric may be incompatible, causing it to show up completely different in photos.

There are pros and cons of either but,  haven been given the option of both at various points in my life, the latter option seems to work the best and is also the most popular among brides and their maids. Everyone is happy and comfortable and gets to select a gown she looks good in and feels good wearing. It also takes into account that a larger women will not be comfortable wearing the same thing as a smaller woman. Most importantly it gives everyone the opportunity to have a gown they love and if the planets are aligned properly….wear again.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

A Salute to Bridesmaids

They have agreed to stand by your side at your wedding and watch as you marry your life partner. They have agreed (maybe reluctantly) to wear and pay for whatever gown you have chosen for them. They have agreed to be as much or as little a part of the entire process and the big day as you want.  Bridesmaids everywhere; past, present and future – we salute you!

Bridesmaid’s duties are simple;  smile, look your best and be supportive.  Bridesmaid’s under no circumstances are allowed to cause trouble for any reason from start to finish. If they hate the dress, the should wear it and not complain. If they are not happy with any one single detail of the wedding, the need to zip their lips and move on. The only time a bridesmaid should question anything is if she really has difficulty paying. It is not bad manners to explain to the bride that she simply cannot afford the gown, shoes, etc (or whatever) and she and the bride can decide on a course of action.

It is truly an honor to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Your friend has decided she wants to see you in her wedding photos, she wants to share the innermost wedding details and to have you stand by her side as she takes a solemn vow. This is an important job, not to be taken lightly. Sure there are bridesmaid horror stories, usually involving a self-indulgent female who has her opinions about how the gown (and everything else) should be handled. But, for the most part, bridesmaids have been given bad reputation and for what? Wearing a sometimes awful dress and having their picture taken.

In honor of Bridesmaids everywhere  I have created the bridesmaid’s oath:

“On this day I vow to be your bridesmaid, to hold your wedding vows sacred an support your decision to marry __________.

I vow to wear whatever gown you choose, to smile in every picture, to stand in the receiving line for any amount of time and smile at every person who shakes my hand.

I vow to not complain about the fit, fabric or cost of the bridesmaid gown. To show up for every fitting on time with the correct shoes and undergarment. To wear whatever headpices, hair comb, jewelry, makeup and shoes you decide. To never question your motive, reason or decision regarding my attire for the day.

 

I vow to get you through the wedding planning process seamlessly. To provide humor, support, and  a much needed girls night out whenever you need.

 

I vow to attend every bridesmaid function without excuse, hesitation or delay. To smile and enjoy each function without over-indulging in alcohol or to cause any intentional embarrassment to the bride, groom or family of either one.

I vow not to chew gum during the wedding, to make sure my skirt is not tucked into my panties as I walk up the aisle, to leave my shoes on during the reception and to not attempt to disrupt the photos with rabbit ears over someones head.

I vow to be your friend and to uphold the sanctity of the honor that has been bestowed upon me by being a bridesmaid in the wedding of one of my closest friends. This is my solemn vow.”

 

I can’t wait to see the new movie  “Bridesmaids” opening tomorrow.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Bridesmaids Beware: Tips to being a perfect attendant

We’ve all heard the horror stories and seen countless clips of brides going berserk on TV. Bridezillas (as they have become known) are a ruthless, tireless breed and will not take (hell) no for an answer.  What you don’t see or hear as often are stories of bridesmaids and attendants who don’t live up to their end of the bargain. They hold up orders, complain about dresses, shoes, and generally complicate things. Whats the key to being a  perfect attendant? I’m glad you asked!

Play or go home. If you have agreed to be a part of a wedding, understand it is going to cost you money. Unless the bride has graciously offered to pay for everything on your behalf you will be paying for at least a gown, alterations, shoes, jewelry, makeup, hair, bachelorette festivities, shower and shower gift, and wedding gift. Don’t forget you will need something to wear for the shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner as well. More shoes, more accessories, and the list goes on. If you know you cannot afford the festivities, be honest with the bride,  “I am honored that you asked me to be your bridesmaid and although I would love to be included in the wedding, I simply cannot afford it. I would be honored to be a guest” Otherwise you might be broke and resentful by the time the cake is cut. Once you have agreed to be an attendant, you are no longer entitled to say anything about your expenses. Keep your lips sealed and smile.

Be available. When you agreed to be a bridesmaid you had to know there would be shopping and fittings and all kinds of other pre-wedding activities. Your job is to make this easier for the bride, not harder. If you cannot attend something, being honest is better than being a no-show. With texting, instant messaging and facebook it is easier to stay in touch than ever. Missing an appointment is a cardinal sin and there  is no reason other than bodily harm that you should not be at a scheduled appointment.

Be honest. If asked your opinion, be honest. When it comes to bridal gowns, headpieces, bridesmaid gowns, cakes, whatever. You can have different opinions and still be friends. Remember that there are ways to deliver unkind words. “You butt looks huge in that gown” is not a good example. You might want to try something softer ” Cindy, you have a great figure but, I dont think this dress is very flattering.” However, if you realize this is the gown (or whatever) that she loves and adores, try to find something positive to say. You have signed on to be a support team, its time to be supportive. If asked for your honest opinion, give it as graciously as possible.

Run intereference. Bridesmaids have a lot less to do than the bride during the months and weeks leading up to the big day. You will be a great friend and a perfect bridesmaid by offering to run some errands, or help the bride simplify tasks somehow. This will be the greatest gift she receives, helping her to  handle any and all wedding tasks so the she remains stress free.

I saved the best advice for last: How to handle bridesmaid gown shopping. If the bride offers to take you and all of the attendants to try on dresses, this can be a lot of fun. It can also be the mother of all disasters. Approach it with kindness and fairness. Whether you are a size 2 or 22, remember its not about you: the bride has vision of what she wants the entire day to look like. Remember the scene in 27 dresses when Katherine Heigl goes through the closet and tries on each gown? Hilarious!!! But each of her friends had a vision and she was the perfect attendant by smiling, wearing the dress and not saying one word.  Help your engaged friend to realize her own unique vision by being as cooperative as possible. The only complaints that should be voiced are of the dress is  ill-fitting,  painful (poorly constructed gowns sometimes have cheaper components which can actually hurt and leave marks) or if there is something about that dress that makes you seriously uncomfortable. For instance, if you are quite busty and the gown has little coverage which leaves you a victim of side-boob exposure. Most brides are not stuck in the ‘same gown for everyone’ mold, anyway. Today’s wedding trend is to find a different gown that looks good on each attendant in the same color or one gown in several colors. There are so many choices… talk to the bride in private and explain your concerns, don’t turn it into a free-for-all or let any resentment build up. She does not want frowns, red marks or nipples in her wedding photos so if approached properly, any problem can be rectified. The same goes with shoes. If they are ugly – wear them and donate them after. If they seriously hurt your feet, explain to the bride why you cannot wear them. Offer to find a similar pair that are more comfortable for you and work it out. Unless she is truly that one in a million BRIDEZILLA,  she will be happy you spoke to her instead of complaining behind her back.

-ps – a great way to show your engaged pal that you are definitely in her corner is to offer to attend a bridal expo with her. Bridal Expo Chicago has 32 shows in 2011 and one of them is near you. With dozens and dozens of vendors and our luxurious runway fashion show you will have the time of your life. Call 847-428-3320 to get four complimentary tickets to a show in your area.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago