Category Archives: Mother of Groom

Finding A Dress For Mom… Definitely Harder Than You Think!

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 I have learned a lot in my life. But, there is one question that I have yet to find the answer:  Why is it so hard for women over 50  to find just the right dress for a special event – ?  
First of all,  most  are not 100% comfortable with their bodies anymore and hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else.

Secondly, there is a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they reach senior ‘citizenship’. Hardly fair, is it?

 Here are a few things to consider before you buy anything to wear to  your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you hear, read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 3″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren or Jane Fonda!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Jane Fonda - The Red Carpet at the Cannes Film Fest

The Name Game: Addressing Your In-Laws

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This dilemma is as old as relationships; how do you address your in-laws? This is a delicate maneuver where there is no clear right or wrong. The only thing right or wrong is how you handle it.

First and foremost, the entire situation needs to be handled both directly and quickly. As a newcomer, your first task is to ask them how they would prefer to be addressed. Just as it was odd, at first, to refer to yourself ‘engaged’ or ‘married’  it became the norm and you got used to it. Beware: once you begin calling your partner’s parents “Mom & Dad” you may find yourself becoming closer to them emotionally and treating them just like (dare I say) family.

Second there is your comfort level. This will be based on several things including your relationship with your own family and the relationship you have with your partner’s parents. If you are not very close to your in-laws, calling them “Mom and Dad” may feel like you are trying too hard. Don’t force it if you don’t feel it. Let’s face it – some parents are more nurturing than others.

There is also respect involved. To be respectful you should always address them as “Mr. & Mrs.” until after the wedding unless they have requested otherwise. It may make them very resentful if you call them by their first name without any prior conversation. This is especially true with mothers, you know how we are.

Parents who don’t want to age are big problem, too. They still live in their glory days, dress too young, whatever. The problem is that they don’t think they are old enough to be the parent of an adult and really think other people feel the same. Most of the time they are wrong but, fighting this battle is not worth the time. Call them by their first name or whatever they ask you to… it’s much easier.

No take-backs. If you begin calling your in-laws “Mom & Dad” early on and then have spat and casually refer to one of them by their first name this could drive a wedge between you. It will break a bond that may take years to repair. They are family – argue as much as you like but, keep it respectful.

The first time I ever met my father-in-law he asked to me to call him “Daddy”. Okay. Except I was 38, already married and 4 months pregnant with his first grandchild. I guess I was reticent because he was not a big part of my husband’s life at that point in time. My mother-in-law was as close in age to me in one direction as my husband was in the other so calling her ‘Mom’ seemed insulting. She was 9 years older than me, my husband is 9 years younger….. awkward.

In modern times there are more situations like mine, where blended or divorced families have close, semi-close or distant relationships. Odd age differences, step-parents, etc.  What matters is that you both agree on how you address the issue. As a couple, you have to stand together and remember the only rule is that there are are no rules. Of course once children are involved everything changes.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 

Not Your Mother’s, Mother’s Dress – Find a Gown That Is Right For You

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I am 50. Yes, I’m 50! I have two sons who are 10 & 12 years old. Mathematically they could be my grandchildren. It is difficult enough right now for me to find a dress to wear to a wedding or other function and I cannot imagine how hard it will be for me when they reach the age they are ready to get married. Why is it so hard for women my age to find just the right dress? How much time do you have?

Most women my age who are not 100% comfortable with their bodies hide behind their clothing. They wear baggy sweaters, mom jeans and/or frumpy clothing most of the time. When it does come time to find a dress for the wedding of their child, they panic and all wind up wearing a long dress with a jacket. Here is a tip: THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME!. Satin jacket with crepe dress or crepe jacket with satin dress – it is nearly a uniform of the wedding mother who just can’t find anything else. There is also a double standard: we are told we can’t wear short dresses anymore no matter how great the legs but, designers consistently show strapless gowns for women who shouldn’t have worn them when they were 20 , much less when they become AARP members. Hardly fair, is it?

As a woman over 50 I can tell you that there are other options. Here are a few things to remember before you buy anything for your adult child’s wedding:

#1) Forget everything you read or see on TV. If you have great, shapely legs and want to wear a shorter dress, wear it! 4″ above the knee is about the limit for a host of reasons but, short skirts are not limited to the X or Y or Z generation.

#2) Accessorize. Find a dress you love in your size and forget about being perfect or looking like a supermodel. Make the most of a simple, elegant dress by accessorizing to the max! Great necklace and earrings, beaded scarf, or even a hat will draw the eyes to your face and away from the mid-section where you may be a little thicker than you used to be. A great pair of heels will also do a lot for your self -image.

#3) Wrap it up. Consider a wrap dress if your tummy isn’t as flat as it used to be. A wrap (around) dress can hide 10-15 lbs easily. If the fabric is right and you accessorize properly, you will look stunning. Diane Von Furstenberg gave us the quintessential wrap dress in the 1970’s and it has evolved into a garment that can literally be worn for any occasion depending upon the fabric.

#4) Who are you? Don’t forget your personal style. If you have always liked a certain type of dress, don’t shy away from it because you are older. Underneath the laugh lines, next  to the spanx, lies the same woman who ran cross-country, captained the cheerleading squad, pledged a sorority and later attended every PTA meeting. You are what you are and what you are needs needs no excuses.

#5) Undergarments are everything. You don’t need to wear a girdle or a corset, you don’t need to wear extra tight super control top pantyhose.  But, wearing the right panties and bra will make any gown look better.

I know how you feel. Every day someone tells you that you don’t look your age, in fact you don’t really feel your age.  You walk confidently down the street in shorts in the summer, you play tennis, ride horses, swim, or run. You feel like you get better each and every day until you are confronted with that hideous mirror in the dressing room and the fluorescent lights! Let me tell you – those lights are lying. You are better! You don’t need a face lift  butt lift or liposuction….. all you need is the right dress, just ask Helen Mirren!

-Penny Frulla For Bridal Expo Chicago