Bridal Expo

In today’s world of 24/7 media where everyone is plugged in, connected and online,  it seems like announcing your engagement would be a snap. However, there is some protocol involved and some surprisingly easy ways to breech etiquette.  In fact it is harder now than it was 50 years ago when the only outlet, other than word of mouth, was a formal engagement announcement in the newspaper. You know, those papers that show up on your door every day that have stories … just like the internet.

The first people you should tell are those closest to you ; your parents, siblings, grandparents and children if either of you have them. Telling them in person is nice if you’re able, otherwise a phone call is perfectly acceptable. but, it should be soon and very personal. Emailing is not personal, neither is having them find out by seeing your relationship status has changed on facebook. Make a list and keep track of who you have spoken to. Leave a message like, “I’ve got some great news” so they know that you called.

The next tier of communication goes to close friends and (non-immediate family) relatives. It is best to to call them if you can but, this may not be practical. It is perfectly acceptable to text or email but it must be a personal message and not a bulk one delivered to multiple addresses. Take the time to write each person a polite note letting them know you are engaged and you will keep them informed of further details if they wish.

After you have let all of the above people know, you are finally ready to announce to the world that you are engaged! 

Newspaper- Everyone is welcome to submit an engagement announcement in the newspaper. Generally, though, this type of announcement is used when the couple is of a certain social, celebrity, economic or  political status. Your newspaper should have guidelines to follow and you can also include the (formal) engagement photo.

Party - Having an engagement party is the most fun way to let a large group of people know at the same time. There are only a couple of points to ponder: do not invite anyone to the party that will not be invited to the wedding and try not to do it at another event,  (wedding, birthday, baby shower, etc) so you will not upstage someone else.

Internet- Posting a relationship status change on facebook will definitely garner some congratulations and other well wishes. You can also create a wedding website which can include stories from loved ones, photos and even a blog. Invited guests can use this site to get updates on the wedding.

Mail- Sending formal engagement announcements through the postal mail is the most traditional way of announcing an engagement but, keep in mind that no one (NO ONE) should get an engagement announcement unless they will definitely be invited to the wedding.  You can include the wedding date on the announcement which will serve as a save-the-date card. You can NOT include any information about where you are registered for gifts.

Whether you go high-tech or old school is entirely up to you, just remember no matter how great the temptation to run in the streets screaming or shout it from the rooftops, take your time and do things right - you won’t regret it.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 Nearly 80% of all weddings take place in a church, synagogue or other place of religious worship. I found this shocking. Mainly because, I thought that it would be the opposite, that  more weddings were civil ceremonies held at reception sites, officiated by individuals licensed by the state rather than performed by ordained members of various religious institutions in a house of worship.  In fact, ‘church’ weddings are on the rise. However,  it is technically not the signature of the priest or rabbi  that makes your marriage legally binding, it is the stamp by the state. So, the thing that  makes the marriage legal has nothing to do with religious affiliation or lack thereof.  If you are keeping score, this means that technically ALL marriages are ‘civil unions’ but, not all ‘civil unions’ are marriages.

Of course that takes us into the whole same sex marriage debate.  Miriam Webster defines civil unions as: “the legal status that ensures to same-sex couples specified rights and responsibilities of married couples“. However, aboutcivilliberties.com states: “Civil unions are legal contracts between partners that are recognized by a state or government as conferring all or some of the rights conferred by marriage, but without the implicit historical and religious meaning associated with the word ‘marriage’.” No mention of same or opposite sex. I was married in the Cook County Courthouse in a civil ceremony… no priest, no rabbi, no minister. Therefore, although I am legally ‘married’ to my husband, by definition it is still a civil union. However, technically it is referred to as a ‘civil marriage’ . You see, because we have different chromosomal makeup, we are allowed to be legally married.  Are you still with me?

If you are confused, welcome to my world. But, lets get back to the church for just a second.  Centuries ago, people who wanted to be joined together for life simply set up house together (mutual consent), no questions asked. No ceremony, no gown, no DJ or flowers. Somewhere around the middle ages, things got confusing. Some countries required the government to sanction marriage, some required sanctioning by the ‘church’. Realistically, this was done to document, track and control marriages and probably to make a profit somehow.  To this day, some states still recognize common-law marriage which is based on  length of co-habitation and mutual consent.

Without getting into a detailed  history of marriage , let’s fast forward to the year 1999.  Bombarded by requests for marriage licenses by same sex couples, Vermont lawmakers took matters into their own hands and decided to create a parallel license (equal to marriage in everything except name) to issue to same sex couples wishing to be afforded marital rights. Thanks a lot, Vermont…. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! If I understand this properly  (please correct  me if I don’t), “Civil Union” licenses were created to appease some voters  without offending the other voters along the way. In order to be completely politically correct, perhaps it should be called a “Duplicate  Chromosome Union” license. This way individuals with gender re-assignment wouldn’t have to have an additional parallel license.

This brings us to 2012 where  you can have a civil ceremony and civil marriaige  but, it isn’t considered a civil union.  You can have a civil ceremony which can be a civil union but not a civil marriage. Fortunately more churches are accepting of all kinds of marriage, unions and cermonies and are willing to accept the religious and cultural differences of couples everywhere. Perhaps that is why ‘church’ weddings are on the rise. Stilil shocking to me but, then again, I’m still trying to figure out who came up with the idea of a  ‘parallel’  license.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

In the back of your mind you know he is going to propose any day. Maybe he is waiting for a special event, maybe he is waiting for a certain holiday or maybe he is still picking out the ring. You have merged your lives already and perhaps bought a home or moved in together. It is all happening, and it’s all good. Then, unexpectedly you get the news that you are not only going to be husband and wife, you will also be ‘Mom & Dad”. SURPRISE! Now, what?  Basically you have two choices, get married ASAP or wait until after the baby is born to tie the knot. Either option has a multitude of pros and cons.

Option #1) Get married right away -

Pro – You can have a smaller, more intimate gathering with just your closest friends and family. This way you don’t have to worry about who to invite and who to cut from the list,  the list is your nearest and dearest only.

Con- Most couples begin planning their wedding well in advance and can still experience difficulty getting vendors and booking a reception venue. Booking even a small venue at short notice can be tricky. Be willing to compromise and consider a Sunday or Friday event.

Pro- You can find a beautiful gown now that designers have recognized that a lot more women are getting married while they are expecting and not hiding it from anyone.

Con - You may not be feeling your best and trying on clothes is the last thing you want to do. (This goes away in the 4th month and euphoria kicks in)

Pro – If you plan quickly, you can get married before most people even know you are pregnant and avoid answering a lot of pesky questions. 

Con-  Who cares what other people think? This is your life, not theirs! 

Option #2)  Wait until after the baby is born.

Pro – Your child can be a part of the ceremony and weddings are about family, after all.

Con – Children can be unpredictable, even tiny ones.

Pro - You will have plenty of time to plan your dream wedding and spare no expense.

Con – Babies are expensive and your priorities change after giving birth , you may not want to spend a lot of money on a wedding.

Pro -You can wear that strapless mermaid dress after you’ve lost the baby weight.

Con – You can’t predict how your body will change and how you will feel about those changes, especially if you are breastfeeding.

For some women, getting pregnant before they are married is a source of shame and embarrassment, even in 2012. For some, it is a statement of fact and nothing to hide. Speaking from experience, I had no reservations about being 6 months pregnant at our (casual) wedding, I have no shame that one of the great loves of my life was born 3 months after his father and I tied the knot, I don’t think my son cares or even wonders if this is normal or not. This is our family – there is no normal. How you handle the news is a personal decision and one that should not be made without a great deal of thought and consideration but, don’t wait too long or you won’t have a choice. If you are pregnant with twins, may the force be with you – you will need it!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

 Unlike some future grooms, my husband helped with a lot of the wedding planning. He picked the menu, the cake, the venue and he singelhandedly documented receipt of the reply cards. Every day he hurried to he mailbox to collect the replies and took great delight in making the necessary notations on the master list. I could tell when the cards began to dwindle because he started to walk a little slower to the mailbox. For us, the reply cards were an exhilarating experience, and eventually an exhausting one, since not everyone replied in a timely manner, replied appropriately or replied at all. Believe it or not, the reply card is fraught with  places for guests to make errors and faux pas and for some reason, this is where guests make the majority of blunders. Your part is simple: You address the invitation to the person(s) you are inviting and make sure that you have a place on the reply card for the number of invited guests. So, what do you do when it all goes awry despite your best plans and intentions?

-When you sent a reply card that is obviously intended for the invited guest +1 and the invited guest returns the card, adding +2 or more without having previously discussed this with you, including adding their own children without your approval or acceptance of the idea, it is time to pick up the phone. Simply tell the guest that their invitation is intended for them and one guest only and leave it at that. There are exceptions but, those exceptions are totally up to you. What if they show up with the +2 or more, anyway…? You have to be prepared how to handle this, just in case.

-When you have received no reply card and it’s one week before the wedding? Time to pick up the phone and make a call to this guest and ask if they will be attending. Be specific about the reason you are calling; so you can ensure all of your guests have a place to sit and a proper meal.

As for those who reply, “YES” and then don’t show, there must be a very good reason. Of course you don’t expect  someone with a serious illness or broken leg to jump out of a hospital bed to attend your wedding but, wait until after the wedding to then call and see if they are doing better. Don’t wait for them to call you, they won’t.  They will probably feel you are too busy to talk and will wait for action on your part. This is not a snub or lack of concern, and this is one of those tiny little things that can ruin a lifelong friendship. Pick up the phone, call and see what happened. You are the only person who can decide if their reason for being a no-show was adequate.

-What if the reply is “NO” and they show up anyway? This is tricky. Speak to someone at the venue and see if there is a place they can be seated (there is usually some wiggle room) Of course they won’t have an assigned table or a place card or a favor but, they will be able to sit and that is all that matters. If there really is no room, you will have to be the one to deliver the news as gently as possible. I know firsthand how difficult this can be, I actually had a couple show up after having replied “NO” and there were no additional seats available anywhere in the room. Our solution was to ask them to sit at the bar and we paid  ’a la carte’ for two additional meals. Tricky but not unmanageable.

There may be no single solution that works for everyone but, planning ahead will avoid hurt feelings and possible blowups. Consider posting information regarding seating on your wedding website if you have one, emailing people who you think may be having trouble with the reply card concept and possibly having specific instructions printed on the reply card. Some couples have resorted to adding “We have reserved ___ seats for you”  (or similar text) to the reply card. In my opinion, keep it simple and limit the possiblities of error. Although going above and beyond is a nice gesture,  I doubt if some people will even notice.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

No one begins the wedding planning process worrying about every single detail that could go wrong. Correction, most people don’t plan this way, I’m sure that there are those rare exceptions.  At the risk of frightening potential brides and grooms, there are about a million things that can go wrong on any given day much less the day or week of your wedding. Being prepared for a disaster is different than planning for one or even expecting something bad to happen, being on top of every detail is not Obsessive-Compulsive, it is responsible and requires clear thinking and adult decision making.

A disaster is defined a  sudden event, such as an accident or a natural catastrophe, that causes great damage or loss of life.

Just so we are clear; a disaster is not when it rains on your wedding day, when the color of the napkins doesn’t exactly match the bridesmaid’s gowns or when you have a head cold the day before your wedding. These are minor inconveniences. Of course a sudden illness ( however short term or curable)  can be a disaster; speaking from recent experience, a disaster can be a burst appendix, or adult chicken pox. A disaster can be a blizzard that closes airports and roads for travel, stranding  invited guests wherever they may be for days. A disaster can be the reception hall burning to the ground three days before your event.

Although there is no way to prepare for these sudden and completely inconceivable forces that could turn your life upside down at a moment’s notice, there is a way to make them less devastating.

Take care of your health – Without over-reacting, pay attention to any changes in your body. See your doctor and ask him or her to update your vaccines and if you have never had chicken pox, mumps, rubella or measles – get the necessary vaccine(s)  far in advance of your wedding date.  This also might be a good time to think about multivitamins. If you are taking any prescription medications, you must be diligent about dosage and watch for possible side effects.

Travel Plans – If you are having a destination wedding, are traveling any distance or expect out-of town guests, check weather reports in the area where the wedding is planned and if there are any severe weather alerts (blizzard, tornado, hurricane) begin to think about alternative plans.  Remind everyone who is traveling by air to book their flights well in advance, purchase the traveler’s insurance and pay the small amount extra to book a flight they can cancel or alter at a moment’s notice, it will pay for itself if needed.

Overall Insurance – Many companies offer wedding insurance; comprehensive insurance that covers the entire cost of the wedding in case of disaster or emergency. Be careful, though,  and make sure you use a reputable  and reliable carrier. Always read the fine print and make sure you are covered for specific situations indigenous to your area.

Without obsessing, without spending every waking minute worrying and driving everyone (including yourself) nuts –  simply remember the Boy Scout credo: Always be prepared.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Like a gorgeous ribbon tied beautifully around a package, the cake topper is the finishing touch that makes the entire package come together.  Let’s face it, even the most beautiful cake needs a little something on top to complete the look. Wedding cake toppers are traditionally a representation of a bride and groom in formal wedding attire sitting atop the cake.  This custom was dominant in US weddings in the 1950s where it represented the concept of togetherness. It is important to note that cake toppers have advanced a long way since your parents or grandparent’s wedding. Seldom do couples even look for the standard  cake toppers where the only decision is to try to find one of the little plastic couples  that resemble you in hair or skin color. Couples today can use the cake topper to signify the silly, irreverent or romantic spirit of their relationship. Don’t be too worried if your fiance is not jazzed about cake toppers just yet. Wait until he sees the options (now) available, then you can sit back and enjoy as he delves into the wonderful world of wedding details…. and this one can be downright fun! What’s hot in cake toppers for 2012?

Romantic – Choices to express romance include Lladro figurines, doves, or hearts  made of various materials. It isn’t about cost since there are options made for every budget. Although a beautiful Lladro could set you back  hundreds of dollars,  a simple  plastic sculpture of intertwined hearts can cost less than lunch.

Fun- Bobble head likenesses, a cute Lego or cartoon couple, a whimsical wire sculpture. Maybe a  couple doing something you both enjoy like surfing or fishing. Perhaps you want to focus on your profession;  firefighters, police and military cake toppers are very popular and easy to find.

Monograms – Monograms are HOT! You can do the traditional monogram with your first initials on either side and your shared last initial in the middle, you can do just the last initial or  just your first two initials intertwined. Rhine-stoned cake toppers gained so much popularity last year that some companies have begun offering them with colored stones so you can match your wedding colors! WOW!

Same Sex - With a handful of states passing legislation that same sex marriages are legal (and hopefully more to follow), it is now easier than ever to find a variety of cake toppers depicting same sex couples. Bravo.

Ethnic – Cake toppers are also widely available in a variety of traditional ethnic wedding attire so you can mix your Asian, African, Hispanic or Middle Eastern heritage with a traditional American wedding cake.

Today’s couples have limitless styles to choose from since so many companies offer custom cake toppers. My only advice to to future brides and grooms is to get something  you love, something you can afford and something you will want to keep forever, it is a wonderful keepsake  and would look great on top of your future anniversary cake.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Start a conversation with any woman about shoes and you will quickly see a sparkle in her eye. Shoes can singlehandedly change the look of your outfit from quirky to classy, seductive to sassy, casual to elegant. Hard to believe but, it’s true – diamond’s may be a girls’ best friend but, shoes are a close second and they are most definitely the window to  her soul. For many years bridesmaids were asked to take a swatch from the bridesmaid gown  to the store where they would buy a pair of (probably not very cute or comfortable) dye-able shoes, the shoes were supposed to match the gown exactly and believe me… when they were a bit off, the bride would have a fit. Seriously… a fit!  No matter how great the dress was, the bridesmaids would inevitable roll their eyes when the discussion turned to the bridesmaid shoe. Times have changed and now the shoe takes center stage as the single most important accessory for bridesmaids.

How to find the perfect bridesmaid shoe:

Just as you would take the ladies to a salon to try on bridesmaid gowns and find the one dress they all feel or look good wearing, you should do the same with shoes. This is easier than you think since so many salons carry shoes, plus if you are already together, it would make sense to stop by a shoe store, wedding accessory store or your favorite department store as a group and see who can walk in the shoes you all agree look best. There will be some compromising and just as with the bridesmaid dress, you have to have a good idea of what you want before you walk into the store.

Do not get distracted by questions like “Can I wear these again”. That is not the point.  The point is if they will be wearable for this one day, this one event, this one moment in time where they will be photographed endlessly and talked about for eternity.

Be creative with your shoe choices. The current theme is eclectic when it comes to bridesmaid shoes. Think about the brides who choose to have the bridesmaid shoes match their bouquet, the shoes that match another color in the wedding the shoes that are a bright contrasting color but all match one another. Do not have each girl pick a different color shoe of the same style. It might sound adorable  but, the photos do not lie and it winds up looking like everyone got a sidetracked  at a rainbow shoe sale. 

No cork heels. Even of the shoe is sparkly and sassy and expensive. There may be some exceptions like a garden wedding with flirty floral bridesmaid gowns or a beach affair with  a strappy sundress. However, if you have any doubts that a cork heel is too casual – don’t do it. Instead, try a wedge heel which can transition from casual to dressy depending upon the material of the shoe and the style.

Consider making the shoes  their wedding gift. This will ease the pain of having to buy a pair of shoes they may not wear ever again. Instead of begrudgingly having to spring for a pair of pink stilettos, they will be happy to have an extra pair of ‘friends’ in their closet, even ones that they might only wear once a year.

Stay away from strappy shoes. Shoes with thin straps, even if they are made of good quality leather, will definitely hurt by the end of the ceremony and most likely cause blisters by the end of the night. The best solution is to find a less ‘strappy’ version of a similar shoe…. or remember to bring a ton of band-aids, you will need them.

Don’t let the price fool you. More expensive shoes are made of higher quality materials, they have designer labels and are packaged, handled, marketed and sold more exclusively. However, a $800 pair of bridesmaid shoes can still hurt your feet. If you ask your bridesmaids to buy expensive shoes, be extra careful to ensure they are comfortable for everyone. 

Study your shoe designers and the way they fit before you set your heart on something to avoid being disappointed. Stuart Weitzman shoes are much narrower, Manolo Blahnik have shorter vamp, and the list goes on. FYI – toe overhang is the eighth deadly sin.

If you spend a little time doing research, listen to the bridesmaids concerns and stay within your budget, the shoes you help select will be a fashion statement, a great photo op, a conversation point and the perfect accessory for your entire bridal party.

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Last night was the first awards show of 2012 and my personal favorite of all awards shows. The reason I love the Golden Globe Awards is many but, the main reason is that although still a very formal awards ceremony, the nominees and presenters seem to be genuinely having a good time. Maybe it is because dinner is included, maybe it is because some see it is a dress rehearsals for the Academy awards but, personally I  suspect it is because they can drink in their seats! The one thing that really stood out to me was that all of the same trends we are seeing  in bridal fashions were right there on the red carpet; each of them  beaded, belted, sequined and accessorized to perfection. It was a glamorous and yet confusing night but, I walked away with a better knowledge of red carpet fashion! This is what I learned from last night:

How to wear an all over sequined gown- Laura Dern in Andrew Gn. While I am not a big fan of these tiny belts or all over sequins, this one works. Also, the neckline had some detail which broke up the ‘all-overness’ of the sequined dress and the plunging ‘V’ showed off her svelte figure.

How to be boring and glamorous at the same time – Michelle Williams  in a beautifully fitted yet boring Jason Wu gown. The gown had no design interest and once again she  fell short for lack of proper accessories.  The tiny black belt and black headband were of no consequence and did nothing for the overall look.

How to wear Reem Acra. One of our favorite bridal designers had a great showing last night - Diane Lane’s gown was my favorite of the three and the most flattering on her. Madonna ‘s (too much material, girl) gown had way too much going on  and Julie Bowen’s gown didn’t have enough.

Why not to let your children pick your clothes- Sarah Michelle Gellar flopped in Monique Lhuillier. Tye dye? Really?

How to wear a simple geomtric look – Zooey Deschanel was adorable (as always) in Prada. Selma Hayek dropped the ball when she picked this Gucci getup.

How to wear silk chiffon – Kate Becksinsale’s Roberto Cavalli silk chiffon gown was embellished with beaded detail and a flowing skirt while the details of Charlize Theron’s Dior gown  were in the design and execution. Both looked incredible.

How to stop traffic at any age – Jane Fonda looked so incredible that she rendered George Clooney speechless.

Speaking of which, Stacy Keibler was all smiles as she shows how to perfectly accesorize.

How to do “Grannies Gone Wild” – Jessica Biel in Marchesa.

How to be a great host -  while it seemed a risky move having him return after offending so many A-listers in 2011, it paid off big time for the Hollywood Foriegn Press as the comedian showed us he really could emcee the event  in a relaxed, casual and confident manner. His tuxedo choice was smashing but I would have preferred to see a tie! What can you say about Johnny Depp? He is just so darn cool.

What did you learn from last night’s Golden Globes?

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago

Today is the first of the three “Friday the 13th’ days in 2012 so, if you’re feeling lucky today it may last the whole year. On the other hand if you are a victim of  friggatriskaidekaphobia, this is only the beginning. The origins of the fear of the number 13 and this day falling on a Friday are very sketchy and this phenomenon has only been around for about a hundred years. For me, the only thing  to fear is fear itself, as I don’t personally believe in luck (either good or bad) and this day to me is like any other with one exception; a chance to move around a little easier.

According to the Stress Management Center and Phobia Institute in Asheville, North Carolina,  an estimated 17 to 21 million people in the United States are affected by a fear of this day. Some people are so paralyzed by fear that they avoid their normal routines in doing business, taking flights or even getting out of bed. “It’s been estimated that  $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day”. 

Oddly enough, even wedding advice boards are inundated with posts warning couples that Friday the 13th is a bad day to get married. As a result, a lot of venues offer specials to those who dare to mark this as their anniversary date. FYI if you get married on Friday the 13, you will celebrate your anniversary on Friday every 7 years.

Statistically, there has never been a major weather catastrophe, a terrorist attack, an assassination attempt or anything comparable on Friday the 13th in my lifetime. I have personally never seen any remarkable occurrences or suffered any particularly unlucky events which all lead me to believe that any and all fear of Friday the 13th is completely unfounded. Unless it rains on your wedding day which is extremely good luck (wink, wink).

If you are setting your wedding date for 2012 and you are not superstitious, you can still have two chances to reverse the curse (April and July) as well as September and December in 2013. Don’t forget to ask if there is a discount for non-believers!

-Penny Frulla for Bridal Expo Chicago